Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Having a difficult time and T is too kind

Posted by OzLand on July 7, 2007, at 11:33:08

I am almost embarrassed to write this when I see what I consider so many horrible therapists that people are or have seen. I am having a really difficult time and have been feeling suicidal on and off. It is related to a work situaion that I would prefer not to get into here. I am feeling so anxious, etc, and I feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster. My memory is not the best either since I stopped ECT the end of March. It is a lot better, but still problems that don't really affect my work, though.

Anyway, I had started to work on abuse issues that I tried to work on with previous T, but he didn't know what he was doing, and I got worse emotionally, hence the recommendation for ECT. I got my new pdoc/therapist who is a psychoanalyst as well, and he is wonderful. We could only meet once this week, after a week and a half not seeeing him (we meet twice per week), and he told me yesterday he will be gone the next two Fridays. I am in such a panic as things will come to a head next week I think at work after I see him on Wednesday. I can email him, but it's not the same. Friday he wondered if I should be in the hospital due to feeling suicidal on and off, and I said no. I am not planning on killing myself, but it seems to become an obsession that scares me at times, and because I tend to dissociate too, I am afraid I could do something without even realizing it. Not likely, though.

So I sent him an email last night about the theme song from MASH and my love of wolves and how I would I would love to go to the wilderness to die, and the wolves can have me then. He wrote back asking me to tell him what number to call him at today because he wants to talk to me. I emailed him back that I did not want him to call me and to please leave me alone, that I am feeling ashamed, which I am. I wish I had not sent the email, and sometimes when I do stuff like that, it is as if it is not the competent me who has a professional job and does very well at work. Now I am so anxious about this AND next week that I can hardly breathe. I would really like some input.

I wrote




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