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Re: F*ck this anxiety sh*t.*trigger*

Posted by muffled on July 4, 2007, at 22:53:10

In reply to Re: F*ck this anxiety sh*t.*trigger* muffled, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 4, 2007, at 10:12:08

> I just went to the designated "safe place" even though my bed hasn't arrived yet,
> I didn't hurt myself.
> I think I'll be better today. I'm kindly requesting a trip to target to buy bath mats and hand towels.

*wow you really doing so much better at 'coping' type stuff. Good for you! You were like me, you'd wander, lost, confused, not knowing whats what, or what to do....ya, we both do MUCH better.

> CBT exercises? tell me more, I promise I won't smack you. What do I have to do? write down what I'm feeling when I'm in the midst of it? Does my post count as fulfillment of part of the exercise? I've never done any CBT work.

**well I only can do the basics, I not so good at figgering stuff mostly. I never beleive its gonna work. But I guess it does. Mebbe I am just lazy.
Anyhow, you pretty much got it. Write down negs thots you have ANYtime. Then when you got time, refute them, cuz often we tell ourselves such negative CRAP. It seems real and true really to us, but when I take a good hard look at some of my 'stuff', well, its not stuff I'd ever say bout anyone else...so why am I SO hard on my ownself....
At one time I did honestly think I was evil...
I thot I shed badness everywhere I went...
Now I know thats not true...mostly...
I struggling with the 'I deserve whatever I got/get, its all my own fault, etc'. I still beleive that most of me does. There is a very small voiced rational part that knows its not true, but its pretty much drowned out....

> The IRONIC thing is that when I was packing for my move, I found about 6 inches worth of papers (journal articles) I never ONCE thought that it would EVER apply to me. I thought my childhood was just fine and dandy. eccentric, if anything...

**sigh, its seriously concerning to me how we can b*llshit ourselves....

> breathing and grounding is what I was exploring in meditation when I briefly resumed it in May. By mid-June both of my T's told me that I needed to stop. They were both pretty direct about that. Very un-T like, so direct! Problem is that when I start listening to my body I am able to hear a song of loathing, tragedy, horror. etc. and some nice stuff too. rarely.

**Oh COOL, you have no idea how great it is for me to hear that!!!!!!!! I kept feeling like I was a TOTAL freak cuz I can't do those things w/o getting more stressed!!!!!!
Glad I not alone in that.

> Xanax. Worried I'd get hooked.

**I been taking xanax or klon for many years. I take it (other than 1 or 2x) just as needed. Thats why I like xanax, cuz I always wait too late.....but I find it seems to work extrodinbarily fast for me?! I can FEEL it when it starts to work. If I can just survive till it kicks in, and its easier when I know I've taken it, then its OK.
I STILL only take .5 xanax for anxiety. If its gotten REALLY out of hand I been known to take 1.0. But that is rare. I proly go thru about 100 or so .25 tabs/ yr. and I not addicted. It seems to be that I take more for awhile, then when things are calmer, I take none. So mebbe thats why no tolerance build up.

> thanks for your long post muffled. you get it, I think. nice not to feel alone

**yeah, it IS nice. Thx you too.
M

 

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