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Re: my last session with newT Phillipa

Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 1, 2007, at 18:16:23

In reply to Re: my last session with newT, posted by Phillipa on June 30, 2007, at 21:23:48

Hi Phillipa,
I guess there are no "shoulds" but I still have these moments when I panic and think "wait, my dissertation's not ready yet... I HAVE to get working. Enough time on vacation." Then I realize that there are enough vacation days for me. Maybe more vacation days than I will have until I retire.

That familiar surge of panic.

I told my newT after I handed the diss in that I couldn't sit still for more than 30 seconds, that I was SO tempted to take a couple of klonopin and zone out for an evening. Her response- "Isn't that what you "need" right now? I told her I'd think about it. new pdoc Rx'ed me another 30 days of klonopin. I guess I have enough stored up to help me get the 11 hours of sleep a day that my body seems to be requiring.

Babble is intellectually stimulating. I'm not sure when I'll feel up to reading a book. I don't even feel like watching TV. Too much to process. I don't want to write any posts that could get into deep philosophical discussions. simplicity. life is chaos enough. boxes everywhere. big shopping trips. keeping track of the cat who feels like roaming the neighborhood given any opportunity.

And moments when I find myself slipping into that familiar pattern (familiar by now, anyways) of depressive thinking. Anxiety, Depression, Numb.

Thanks for your support, Phillipa- means a lot to me





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