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Re: what is your contat with former T if any? ElaineM

Posted by shrinking violet on November 22, 2006, at 3:18:10

In reply to Re: what is your contat with former T if any? shrinking violet, posted by ElaineM on November 21, 2006, at 19:53:53

Well I have her email, as a client I was allowed to email her, then just before our termination she asked me not to email her anymore. She said she'd be glad to hear from me and how I was doing, but she never mentioned any reciprocation. Normally I would respct this, but again, since our working relationshiop was so intense and different I sort of find it odd that she put up walls toward the end. Even our last session was horrid, both of us sort of angry and putting up walls and trying not to cry. I'm trying to understand that maybe she ddi this for herself, that maybe she was too attached and at the end was trying to pull back and fix it (as my current T suggested) but all it did was really hurt me more and leaves me with a lot of questions and resentment.

Thanks for your feedback. As I mentioned in another post, I do plan to write a long letter to her, telling her everything, how I feel about what happened, etc, and I will bring up this issue. I dont' expect anything to change, but I at least want her to know how it effected me in the hopes that she can prevent this happening with someone else.

Thanks again.
SV

> >>>>>I guess I then findit confusing that I'd never hear from her after she terminated.
>
> So you've emailed her before and she hasn't responded? Did she give you her email address or did you find it out? Cause sometimes filters would just toss and Unknown Mailer into Spam (and that usually empties automatically quite often). But if your messages did get read, she may not know how important it is to you for her to acknowledge what you've written. She may be worried that you would be asking for advice or to be "treated" over the internet, if she "encouraged" you by answering. Could you ever tell her why you write, that it's important you hear back from her, and what it means in terms of your past work with her (and then mention some of the stuff about continuity and the other stuff you mentioned about your relationship with her).
>
> You could even ask her if she'd like to set guidelines. Like, my ex-T said that she would always read everything I sent, but that she couldn't make guartantees about response time, or length. Maybe your T would feel more comfortable if she got to set the regularity of messages etc. (like once a month, or whatever).
>
> I don't know. Trying to brainstorm here :-)


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