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Re: Trying to deal with husband's reaction Dinah

Posted by All Done on November 20, 2006, at 11:49:38

In reply to Re: Trying to deal with husband's reaction All Done, posted by Dinah on November 19, 2006, at 11:43:55

> I understand the feeling. Really I do.
> Therapy's so far outside the normal experience of friend/lover/etc. that unless you understand it, it's hard to put it in the proper place.

You aren't kidding! I have a hard time understanding and grasping it myself. How on Earth am I supposed to explain it to someone that not only has no experience with therapy but hardly understands his own emotions?

> I've never quite been able to figure out how my husband thinks about my therapist. I think it used to bother him that my therapist was (in my husband's opinion) attractive. And that he was relieved when he saw him again recently.
> But overall my husband knows me well enough to know it wasn't a sexual attraction.
> Still, I'm positive that some part of him was distressed to have his wife dependent on another person, especially another man. And he balanced that distress or concern with happiness that my therapist absorbed the worst of my meltdowns so that he didn't have to be bothered by them. He saw my therapist as sort of a protective barrier between him and me.

Yeah, I think my husband's pretty grateful that he doesn't have to deal as much with my meltdowns. What he doesn't know is that my T has been trying to get me to depend on my husband more often than I currently do (or don't).

> I'm not quite sure how he worked it all out. The language of emotions isn't my husband's native tongue. And that's ok.
> Maybe your husband just came out with some of what he's felt for some time. Or maybe he was surprised with what he found, and had to comment on it. In any case, if he seems ok with it now, it's probably ok to let it lay. Maybe ask him when the iron is cold if he realizes that he's the only lover in your life, and that your therapist plays a different role. Something like that.
> People do occasionally blow up about something and then get over it.

This is something I'm very unfamiliar with. :-( Well, the getting over it part. My mom (it's always about the mom, isn't it?) used to blow up and keep bringing stuff up for days, months...well, even years after. I would never know when the other shoe was going to drop.

> But if it continues to be an issue, you might want to think of other options to help your husband feel more comfortable.

I think, if nothing else, talking to my T and coming here has helped me to be a little more prepared if it comes up again. I'll have less anxiety and some better words to describe what I'm feeling.

> No matter what, there's nothing inherently wrong with listening to your therapist's voice mail. My husband has seen my "T" section of my iPod. :)

I wish I knew how to transfer his voicemails to my iPod. After all this, we're looking to change our phone service and I'll probably lose them all anyway. :-(

As always, thanks for being here for me, ((((Dinah)))).





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