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Re: Trying to deal with husband's reaction annierose

Posted by All Done on November 20, 2006, at 11:36:39

In reply to Re: Trying to deal with husband's reaction All Done, posted by annierose on November 19, 2006, at 7:33:04

> Not knowing your husband of course, and I'm the worse person to try to "guess" at what men are thinking, so I may be way off base ---
>
> When you called him later in the day, he was probably "over it" by then. He heard the message, it kind of freaked him out a tad, then you explained your point of view, he mulled it over and chalked it up to not really understanding the depth of the theraputic relationship.

I think that's right - or at least I'm hoping he's "over it" and not just burying it. He hasn't said anything else and really seemed okay the rest of the weekend. And I know with other things, he's able to let things go much faster than I am. He always wonders why I think about everything so much and am not able to just "forget about it".


> For better or worse, my husband doesn't understand the attachment I have to my therapist either. But because she is female, the sexual part does not play into the relationship (or complicate matters from his point of view). He'll make comments, "I just don't understand why you need to go so often. (translation = it costs so much money and/or you talk about her and what happened in your session)" And I reply, "You don't need to understand. You have never been a therapy client. I obviously have some attachment issues to work out and she is the person I have chosen to work this out with. All I ask from you is your support. You don't have to get it."

Over the past three and a half years with my T, I do know my husband has come to accept a lot of "strange" things about my therapy. Overall, he's been pretty supportive and understanding. I think he's getting used to not necessarily understanding but accepting.

I like what you said about the attachment issues and choosing to work them out with your T. I might have to use that one. :-)


> I'm surprised your t offered to see him. Most t's find that a difficult position to be in once you have entered into a long term relationship when them. What are your feelings regarding this? I would think it through carefully. I could see positive and negatives, but when I weigh it in my little head, the scale always tips to "NO WAY" (not that she would even offer though).

I'm glad my T offered to see him. I pretty much made it clear that I'm not comfortable with a joint session. I think that would invade "my" space too much. I did say, if he saw him, the rule is they have to tell me what they talked about (umm...sort of joking). My T said he would rather have him come in than talking over the phone. He thinks it's hard to get a good first impression without being face to face. He wants my husband to see he's "not some weirdo". :-)

I haven't extended the offer to my husband. A while back, I asked if he ever wanted to meet my T and he immediately said, "no! That's *your* therapy. I don't want to mess with it." I'll ask him again, if I feel there's still an issue. Or maybe mention the offer from my T at some point when things aren't so fresh. I imagine the offer alone would afford some level of comfort to my husband.


> You did nothing wrong. It's okay to receive comfort from your t via a voice mail. It's a perfect way to soothe and take care of yourself. I remember when he left that message. It's so wonderful that you have that.

Thanks, (((((annie))))). Have you been able to soothe and take care of yourself lately? I hope things are okay through the holidays.

Lots of hugs to you,
Laurie


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poster:All Done thread:705020
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