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Re: Trying to deal with husband's reaction Jost

Posted by All Done on November 20, 2006, at 11:17:18

In reply to Re: Trying to deal with husband's reaction, posted by Jost on November 18, 2006, at 21:47:14

> Hi, AllDone.

Hi, Jost. :-)

> Towards the end, you say it's as if you've been caught with your hand in the cookie jar. That could be part of what happened-- that you felt a bit defensive and guilty when your husband initially voiced his concerns-- which might come across to your husband as some disturbance or anxiety that you have about your connection to your T.

I think I was starting to realize that toward the end of writing my post. I think there is more going on with my own history and that always makes me read more into what my husband is thinking than maybe I should.

> I mean, your husband might not understand yet and you might need to explain, but it sounds as though he's receptive.
> Esp. if he was in a good mood, and that holds up-- he might have been momentarily unsettled, but it also might not be that hard to reassure him. Unless you feel a little "disloyal" to him, or as if you shouldn't need, or have such an intimate connection to, anyone else. That's not true, but I understand the feeling.
> It could be that if you feel okay when you tell your husband, and are letting him know rather than justifying something (that you yourself don't quite feel okay about), he'll be able to listen and accept it-- even if he has some bit of uncertainty of his own.
> He could pick up on your being comfortable or not-- as a clue to whether the relationship is safe and non-threatening.
> Jost

Right. I think between my feeling accused and anticipating his reaction to be like my mom's would have been and my own general anxiety about my attachment to my T, he must have picked up on my discomfort with the topic.

He has been fine since we talked. In fact, he seems better than fine. He was talking a lot and holding my hand, which he hasn't been doing much of lately.

I think more got stirred up in me than I initially thought with all of this. Now, if we talk about it again (or when?), I'll be more aware and hopefully I can be more comfortable with the topic.

Thanks for the response, Jost.

Take care,




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