Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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I dunno what to do.

Posted by muffled on November 17, 2006, at 12:20:39

I'm sorry, I taking, but not giving much, but I need info.
I am a little lost.
So I go to T.
T is trying to connect w/my inside kid thats hurt.
But the first while of appt., I just got to (furtively) look at her, and hear her voice etc, B4 I can sorta relax some.
Then we start to work on what I written in faxes. And sometimes that winds me up. Then last coupla times T been trying to talk to the kid, cuz the kid likes her, but for some reason I don't thibnk kids supposed to talk. I thot it was cuz it was too weird for me, but its something else too. I dunno what.
So then I all stirred up and its time to go. T trys to talk me down, but really, how can she?
So then I all seriously f*cked up.
And I phone her one eve to ask if I said anything weird at last session cuz I don't remember, and I real worried bout that. She said no. And then I don't remember what else was said, cuz it was cell phone and connection was bad.
So then I try again. Today, to see if I could meet her for walk, cuz sometimes she not work on Fri, she said this herself. But she phone back, she working all day 8-4 today.(at diff. job where she proly actually makes real $$$) I thot if we walk but NOT talk, I could reconnect b4 weekend, and mebbe that would be good. Cuz next appt. not till Tues again.
I feel like a giant pest, pain in the *ss, I can't keep harassing T.
I dunno if I can keep doing this. I don't understand why we doing this. I do but I don't. Kid gets to thinking someone cares, but then person is gone. Then I supposed to care for her, but I stuff her away and ignore her.
Damn, I don't know what to do.
I hiding away. I wanto dissappear.
I still want to hurt self at times.
My GP away so I can't get drugs. Doubt I can get them at clinic.(was thinking vallium to numb out?)
I am such a f*cking moron. Why can't I just be regular. Less all over.
Having no memeories may be a blessing, but its also a HUGE CURSE. I was never a child. Its so strange. I visited my parents, and I thot to myself, I am their child.....but how can I be their child, cuz I was never a child....
I feel pretty bad. And my T drops off the face of the earth for the weekend.
Mebbe I'll try and get drugs somewhere.
Sorry I such a sad sack.




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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

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