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Re: Elaine? ***trigger

Posted by ElaineM on November 16, 2006, at 23:03:57

In reply to Re: Elaine?, posted by Lindenblüte on November 16, 2006, at 17:57:52

I appreciate both of your bfriendships.

I'm not well. I did go to the ER last weekend and they sent me home, saying to call my PCP. :( *sigh* Said it wasn't an "emergency". My female doc couldn't get me in until the 24th!!! Which WASN'T gonna be good enough (though I made it too, just incase). So I went to see Young-Doc and he suggested more ineffectual OTC things - which haven't been doing anything for nearly two months now. He refused to retest right now to see if the antibiotics I was on were absorbed properly, because of the other stuff I'm taking (ie, is the infection gone or is it still contributing to the worsening pain). Said to come back next Wed. :'(

I don't go to T anymore. I don't do anything. I can't tolerate much now. It's hard to breathe properly. Usually I just lay until my body goes numb and then I get up and move a bit. I hope everyday that I wake up vomiting or with a fever, cause those symptoms usually get attention.

I'm really scared cause I've lost 12 lbs now since Female Doc weighed me in October. I'm not scared cause I think it will cause any ED relapse, but because I know how it weakens and f*cks-up a body to do that. And I can't afford to lose anymore health or strength as I'm trying to go through this. I can hardly keep food down - it's nauseating. I kinda have to breathe it down - like lamaze. I *am* trying to drink more now, but it's hard too. :"( I JUST WANT HELP! I don't know why it's so hard to get. I don't understand! Nobody cares. I just wanted to scream and cry to Young-Doc "Please treat me like a f*cking person and not a patient! PLEASE!" :"(

I may go again tomorrow to the hospital. If not, T offered to take me on Saturday. I'm seriously considering telling them that I'll kill myself because of not receiving medical care, so they won't boot me out the door. I figure that even if it's a psych admission, it'd still be a hospital and they'd still have to treat medical problems of psych patients while there. And if I'm admitted and they don't take me seriously, or still don't do anything, then I'm no worse off then the horrible non-treatment situation I'm in now. Plus, I do wish I was dead anyways. I even know how. So it's not much of a stretch.

blove, EL




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