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Re: Well, I'm not rejecting you Kerria, cassie17

Posted by kerria on November 16, 2006, at 12:33:19

In reply to Re: Well, I'm not rejecting you Kerria,, posted by cassie17 on November 16, 2006, at 10:44:26

That's the precise problem that always happens to sabotage- wreck any relationships with Ts and with people- with all my family and friends.

The worst Part?alter will respond to what someone says the worst possible way to make me look bad and it makes people feel negative towards me. No one- not even my T lots of times could get around that happening to wreck our relationship.

i never felt that my T cared about me- he had a hard time with it too- when i would say "I hate that about myself too" then he said he felt a little better-but i didn't at all- Then he could understand better- and this is a T who talks to patients with DID every day almost.

it feels as if i don't have a chance of ever having any good relationships- it's really hard- so much to overcome but people would be angry because that's the "helpless and Hopeless's Part's way of seeing everything and that makes them angry with me for having that part.
It reminds people of someone they dislike a lot.

It's reality to me- it is looking that it's the truth to me- i hate it and the thought of going on anymore.

i love my family- they suffer so much because i'm a mess - they don't understand that i switch- it looks like i'm together sometime and able to control everything but i'm really not able to at all.

tears.
i'm so sorry for my family- i can never be consistant and some things i do and say are so terribly wrong- everything i do is terribly wrong to one part or another.

and i'm so hurt by thier reactions and by people's reactions to me.

Inside i'm suffering so much because the least critical thing said by someone finds a part inside to agree with them- see it in the worst light- i know you're right. i can't control it from happening.

Then people think that i think that my stuggle is worst than everyone elses's struggle.

It's a total mess.

In the meantime i have no friends- parts are so separate that i can't rmember what i'm doing and everyone is angry because i can't switch in time to get to places- appts

the new dr was so impersonal. and was angry i think though he said he wasn't - i was almost an hour late and the appt was about an hur and a haf appt- we had 1/2 hour maybe- It was a mess- finding the office and switching so much in order to tell him about my history- what i do for work- and my family- who i live with- and the physical problems- so much switching- and the hopelessness part. The T stopped the upset parts abruptly because 'we have no time(not to be judgemental for being late)' and i hated myself so intensely for being the way i was.

so much i need to still talk to someone to give me a reason worth living - i love my family too much to k. myself But they're so upset at the way i am that i wonder if they would think it better- just not be violent -

i'm so afraid- like about six years old and way too afraid to even be out alone. or to think about all these scary thoughts.

i wish someone could help but i really don't tthink so.

tears.

i wanted to see other T-my T of the past seven years - just for comfort- because of what happened at the forum and how hard it is now.
i was so upset that i was late - crying so hard on a street corner- who can live like this? i can't function and i hurt so much.

Tears, i lost so much when those things happened at forum- how to go on? why am i not able to do the simplest things any more???

so tired- tears- tired of always being a mess and rejjjected/misunderstood/ no capacity

i wish i was better for family- and then they wouldn't say mean things. i'm so afraid, of handing in papers to new T- afraid of losing everything- family- that i'll get committed and no one will care about me- it hurts so much and everyone is angry.

kerria- not all the writing is the same part- i don't know which is different- don't be angry- that's how it really is.


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