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Re: Why is it so hard to accept my T's care » rubenstein

Posted by madeline on November 16, 2006, at 6:58:11

In reply to Why is it so hard to accept my T's care, posted by rubenstein on November 15, 2006, at 19:15:31

I do understand where you are in your relationship with your T. Trusting someone is ridiculously hard when sometimes it feels as though every one has let you down.

I think as humans we are hard wired to trust and love others. When that trust is breached so many times, we are forced to go against our true nature, trust no one, and that causes us a lot of conflict.

It's like we say "I want to trust you with all my heart, but I can't - I just can't" and we are ready to bolt at the first sign of trouble.

The key is being able to tolerate that trouble and trust anyway and that takes time.

I think that the more you talk to your T about this, the more you tell him when he does something wrong and the more he responds positively to your concerns the easier it will be for you to trust him.

It's not that he is never going to hurt or abandon you - in reality he probably will. He is human. BUT you will develop the confidence in the relationship to say "that's alright - you let me down, but it's not bolt worthy". That is real trust.

Right now, it sounds as though you are ready to just "try it on". And that's progress. You are realizing the conflict that you feel. And that is progress too.

YOU are not letting everyone down. YOU are moving to where you want to be. This is hard stuff. LIFE is hard stuff.

It certainly sounds to me as though you are navigating these waters really well.

Of course you are, you are one TOUGH cookie.

I'll be thinking of you.






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