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Re: why does it hurt so much?

Posted by sunnydays on November 15, 2006, at 19:03:24

In reply to Re: why does it hurt so much?, posted by Jost on November 15, 2006, at 16:39:16

> I could be wrong, but I think he can do it for you, only in small moments over time. It doesn't sound as if that can help, but over many instances of being close and having the person show again and again that he cares, it does. You're really sad right now; but you can't avoid imagining how great it would be if he were your parents--wanting what a warm and loving parent would have been like--, feeling the loss of being part of a happy family, or a family where people are warm and real and care.

**** Thanks so much. It really sounds like you understand what I'm talking about. I just want it so much and it feels so so painful that I can't have it all the time, and can't go back and have it as a child.
> I felt that for a long time with my T. I dont' know how I stopped, but I esp. remember Thanksgiving as one of the worst days. Although I feel like I miss all that, it's not so unbearable as when the separation seemed like a lifetime.
**** Thanks. Yeah, it's going to be really hard being away from him. It really sounds like you know what I'm talking about. So it just takes time then?

> At times it still bothers me some-- but I try not to think about it. The only way I can explain it was that he managed to give me things in different ways-- over time.

**** I know my T is giving me as much as he can, it just hurts so much I don't know how I will bear it.
> I think therapists do care, often a lot. He has to find ways to create something real with you, that can mean enough, even if he can't take you home. It's hard to make it through these times, because you;ve started to feel a deep enough connection to bridge the separation--but it's not strong enough yet, so it dissolves, leaving you seemingly with nothing. But someday, you'll know that he's taking you with him and you're taking him with you. Even to Thanksgiving dinner, or over Christmas.

****Thanks for saying that. That's exactly what he says - that he still carries me with him and I carry him with me. And that when we end we don't really end because we stay connected. I just wish I could feel that all the time. You're right, it does seem to dissolve.
> Feeling the sadness is really hard and sometimes it lasts a long time. But maybe it'll be over sooner than you think, Sunnydays. You can't do it for yourself now; but eventually the two of you will create something between you that will.
> Jost

Thank you so much Jost. That post was really beautiful. (((((Jost))))

Now, to make it through the night without breaking down crying too many times...





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poster:sunnydays thread:703907