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Re: I think the Real Work has started CAbu trigger » Daisym

Posted by Lindenblüte on November 15, 2006, at 13:45:09

In reply to Re: I think the Real Work has started CAbu trigger » Lindenblüte, posted by Daisym on November 15, 2006, at 11:51:24

Yes, I think it would be a good idea to write it out and take it to T.

What I wish I could say to mom, what I wish she could say to me. What I would say to mom, what would she say to me.

How I want her to be a part of my life in the future, and what I don't want her to get involved in in the future.

I can never talk to my dad about this. never. he would not be able to control his temper, and besides, he has dementia, and his memory is shot to hell anyways.

I could talk to my older brother about it, but he is a victim as much as he is a perpetrator. It took many months before I could tell him that I had mental illness. I'm glad I did, because he ended up having a lot of helpful suggestions, and he told me what medicine had helped him in the past.

We have never had a real conversation in my family about our shared mental illnesses. We shove things under the rug, and then pretend like the rug is smooth and clean. no shameful history, only a nice future.

Well, the extent to which I want to share my future with these people is related to the extent to which I can understand their actions in the past.

My T is a woman, but unlike you, I feel much more comfortable under these circumstances. My mother never criticized me for being weak. Working with a male T (and a male PhysicalT, for that matter) was incredibly anxiety-provoking. I always felt panic before my sessions, and when I left, I often felt like I had been spared some horrible punishment. Transference- the men who see me vulnerable are the men who will hurt me. But women don't bother me quite so much.

I'm going to write the letter this evening, after my meditation and buddhist lecture.

Deep breaths. Nobody can hurt me. Nobody will hurt me. repeat repeat repeat.





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