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Re: Well, I'm not rejecting you Kerria,

Posted by kerria on November 12, 2006, at 23:00:48

In reply to Re: Well, I'm not rejecting you Kerria, » Phillipa, posted by Phillipa on November 12, 2006, at 21:24:10

Tonight i went back and read what people there wrote to me. It was evident that they didn't care that i was so hurt- i wrote to say how devastated i was- that i wasn't able to go to work because i was so upset- no one cared at all.
It was never talked about- the fact that people hurt me- they went on how it was transference , etc but no one thought about me and how i ended up afterwards.
:( no one even mentioned me in a caring way - just in a critcal way, defending what they said, saying that they wouldn't take it back, that it was justified because of the way they thought i was.
i shouldn't go back because they don't want me there.

i have about three friends - but everyone else doesn't care what happpens to me. i feel so hurt because i knew some for six years or more and care about them and what happens to them. It wwould hurt me too much when they do it again:( i need to give it up, my source of support. maybe i can just write in the member to member section. it's so saad- because in the other forum people write about DID and that's the only place i can ever share about most things.

i hate having the struggles and misunderstandings. People twisted my words- i never meant what they wrote that i said. It was a totally different meaning. i was so misunderstood. it's killing me- reading how much misunderstanding that's there hurts and frustrates me so much. i can never be understood there . i wish the persons who misundersstood would care and would try to see what i really meant. It's clear if they didn't make the presumptions that were made. everyone presumed the worst possible thing about me.:(

Now that's what they left thinking about me- after knowing them for six years. i feel like dying:(i can never correct the misunderstanding in that long thread ever. It's not allowed to talk about.

If only people cared enough to listen to what i said beyond the words. So many places i didn't mean what they said that i meant. Someone even thought that i wished my pain on them- i was just trying to say that there's a part that is strong- that i'm not all weak and helpless all the time. She misunderstood so much. i said "If anyone had the pain i have for twenty minutes they wouldn't think that i was always so helpless/ never growing, etc and she took it to mean that i wished someone else had pain. It was unbelievable how much i was misunderstood. i would never say anything or think anything like that ever.
Why did this happen to me?

tears i can't accept what happened. tears. i feel so bad i want everything to stop.
It was a disaster and such a terrible loss for me. it feels like i can never recover. tears.
i'm crying all night here- i hate my life. i have to see this new T tomorrow. i'm a wreck- i don't want to go- i'm losing my T- he's probably found out and is upset i didn't tell him.

my heart is so broken that i'm not there for my kids the way they need me- i'm always such a mess- so apart. They deserve the best mom- not someone like me. Especially now- having a terribly difficult time- need support too. so much is wrong.

thank you Philippa for listening.
i wish there was a way to change everything that is wrong,
take care,




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