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Re: Kerria » Fallsfall

Posted by kerria on November 12, 2006, at 15:39:37

In reply to Kerria, posted by Fallsfall on November 12, 2006, at 11:04:00

Thank you for responding to me and all the thought and time that you gave to repsond. You're a very caring person.

You're right- it is a mess- the person that realized the transference could care less- she doesn't care that she hurt me despite the fact it wasn't 'meant' for me. She didn't like me i guess- and is new to the board and doesn't know my struggle with attacks like hers at all. She never mentioned anything like being sorry and i know never will.

What about all the other people- who followed her lead to hurt me- it was one upon another- nothing positive at all- i never heard that ever happen anywhere- at any board like this one or that one- to anyone else. i can't read it again- it's too upsetting the first time but i think upwards of fifteen people were posting negative things. Two - one a trusted friend, posted a positive thankfully. No one still said it was wrong. Now no one is allowed to discuss it. That means no one saying that they're sorry. No one cares about me - they think i deserved it and parts of me hurt me now thinking i deserve it too:( i can't get over it- it's part of who i am:(

it feels horrible to be singled out about a part that i already hate- i have parts that make up who i am and i hate when i switch to some parts - especially that part- i don't realize that it happened untill later and i can't remember of control what i'm doing when i'm in that part. Criticism hurts so much- i can't do a thing about it and i already hate that i have this disorder. It's killed all my relationships.

i'm hurt- so hurt about so many different people posting all negative things about me- not one - not three but more like fifteen:( i never saw that happen to anyone before anywhere.

now i have all these people that attacked me for a disorder that i know i already have- i know that my parts are polorized- i hate being them already. i can't stand to live with myself- i can't hear any more criticism for any reason- i already hear too much inside.

The post was about disability- Not SSI. These is my benefit amount- i haven't worked much outside the home- raising kids i guess doesn't count at all. Why is it like that? Can't my h's be shared? How could he have worked if babies had to be alone in the house?

i can not afford $134 a month for an added insurance- i barely make enough for bills- and less than $100 a week- mostly under $50 a week. i am unable to get pain under control and am unable to switch into the work person. Starting in Jan after surgery i won't even be working at all for a few months. Hopefully h won't cancel me from his insurance. i'm trying to talk to him about it but he doesn't agree with therapy so it's difficult. one of my kids doesn't even have insurance- that's a priority.

Did you find a T who treats DID who takes disability Medicare? i don't think i can find a T who takes medicare - most of all i called don't take ANY insurance. i can't go to someone who doesn't understand. It's too upsetting for me. i tried before.

i'm so so so tired of having everything be a such a nightmare and a terrible struggle.

one good thing any ways. My kitty cam home last night. i love her so much.

You are so cool Fallsfall. your name is like a water fall.





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