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Re: I'm afraid I might be getting better :(

Posted by Dinah on November 10, 2006, at 19:59:08

In reply to I'm afraid I might be getting better :(, posted by Dinah on November 10, 2006, at 17:42:12

I have a vague inchoate impression that it has something to do with feeling safe.

That as long as I need him, I'm not alone.

But somehow tied to that is the thought that *needing him* is different somehow than *him*. Better even. More important.

That my need itself is providing something valuable. I've batted around thoughts like my need proves that I'm alive and capable of connection. But nothing has really struck me so far as being the right answer.

I have the feeling, and it may be way off base, that finding the answer to this question will be the key in moving to the next step, whatever that may be, just as finding out why I did the things I did moved me to this step.

But then, maybe I don't want to find the answer, because finding the answer will mean I move to the next step, and won't need him as much, and that would be too horrible to contemplate because I need to need him.

And so on.




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