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Re: Stupid about vacations

Posted by Jost on November 9, 2006, at 11:06:43

In reply to Re: Stupid about vacations Dinah, posted by toojane on November 9, 2006, at 10:34:26

I agree with what everyone has said.

I do the same thing. My T goes away for five and a half weeks (rounding up, six) and I always put together a lot of things to show him before he goes away, or a bunch of things for him to have.

One vacation, I got a set of cigarette cards about a favorite avocation of his, and sorted them and put them into several envelops for hiim to open at different times. That way, I'd think he was opening them and remembering that I know how much he loves this-- and that's a special thing. We spent part of the last appointment looking at them together.

I've also given him small objects, to hold or look at-- so I can be with him. He gives a small thing also, which I keep on my desk.

I'm especially sorry that your group wouldn't be more supportive. Even if they didnt' understand, I wonder why they weren't more interested in understanding, rather than being somewhat dubious? This is partly me, I guess-- because I'm not that persuaded by the idea of inner child-- or because my inner child is pretty much in control and thinks it's not a child-- but emotionality isn't childish, or childlike-- it's what adults feel when they have intense feelings. Maybe it made them so sad that you were sad-- and they didn't quite know what to do.

It is interesting that the group T noticed that you were giving him something to look at-- which is great. It has particular meaning that my T will think of me, intermittantly, in a way that I can identify.

Being sad when someone leaves--- means that the relationship has value-- as my T likes to point out-- it can be "good sadness"-- not bad sadness. If it's too much, it's not good-- but if it's bearable-- and points to how much difference the relationship makes-- and that's so great, in the long run.

I'm really grateful that I found Babble too- I've gotten so much out of reading and talking to people here. It is the one place that I can tell anyone so many things about myself-- including and esp. about my T.

And your T will be back-- and you'll be able to continue on, and strengthen and deepen what's already there.

Jost


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