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Stupid about vacations

Posted by Daisym on November 9, 2006, at 1:08:51

I think I made a fool out of myself in group tonight. When it was my turn to check in, I was doing fine until I said that my therapist was going on vacation next week. And then the tears came and I cried and felt stupid. No one else in my group struggles with their attachment to a therapist, and half of the group isn't even in individual therapy. One of the women said it sounded like I was letting my little girl rule the roost. Another said she thought a break would do me good. They just didn't get it. And it was too late, I couldn't stuff the words or the tears back in.

The group therapist asked me if there was something I could do to comfort myself, to reassure myself that he was indeed coming back. I confessed that I gave him something of mine to hold, something that means a lot to me, so he would have to come back and give it back to me. She thought that was interesting because usually I want to hold on to something of his. She asked me what I gave him and I was so embarrassed to tell her. I gave him a tiny charm on a chain that looks like my special stuffed animal -- symbolic of Daisy in so many ways. He understood instantly when I asked him to keep it today. He held it the whole session.

My group thought I was nuts. I thought of you guys and told myself "they won't think I'm nuts." Right? I wish I could just accept vacations the way most clients do. I'm sad. Please don't tell me I shouldn't be.




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