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Re: I'm around Dinah

Posted by Pfinstegg on May 16, 2006, at 18:44:40

In reply to I'm around, posted by Dinah on May 16, 2006, at 10:14:40

It's just a huge up-rooting in so many ways. Losing the place where you grew up, the house where you've lived since you got married, the job you shared for so long with your father, your son's school, which clearly meant a lot to everyone (we used a lovely school very similiar to a Montessori, and are still attached to it- not least because it helped us learn to be better parents), and your therapist- probably most powerfully and poignantly. It was wonderful to hear how much he cares about you, Dinah, and how much he'll miss you. Even though he hasn't been able to be the same since Katrina in terms of reliability and support, his caring hasn't changed. I don't think it ever will- you will be part of him- and he part of you- always. I hope you will work out a good way of keeping in touch- NOT the telephone, if I remember from long-ago posts! But when you return to see him, I think it will always mean a lot to both of you. I have a new- well 3 years! therapist who means the world to me, but I also have one from when I was very young. We have maintained such a special relationship for more years than I dare say- through notes and occasional visits. Strangely, I feel I am a little part of making HIS life a good and meaningful one, and, it goes without saying, he is a big part of what has gone right in my own. I heard from him at Christmas- he is now 80- and says he is "a bit creaky, but fine". He seemed to take so much pleasure and interest in my son's doctorate and marriage, and in my paintings and flower photography. It just never ended- your relationship won't either. It can't: it runs far too deep each way

I don't know where you are going, (although I'm curious!), but it sounds as if you have found a house you like- that will be fun. I do hope that you find a really good school for your wonderful son, and most importantly, that you find a new therapist who feels right for you. I love how Falls did it- another quite old post by now. She was such a thoughtful and careful consumer- but then I think she chose the one who just "felt" right intuitively. Isn't that an ideal use of first the left, and then the right hemispheres? I am becoming increasingly impressed by how important a good right-hemisphere fit is for really good therapy to take place. Everyone seems to be recognizing, now, that "implicit relational knowing" (and learning) is what really takes place in therapy, and what makes people truly get better. For example, the Volume 15, No 6, 2006 issue of "Psychoanalytic Dialogues" has some wonderful articles about this by Jody Messler-Davies, Steven Knoblauch and Allan Schore. As you are looking for a new therapist, that journal might be helpful- if only to let THEM know what you need and expect.

It's a huge amount of loss, Dinah- and all at once. Please do your very best to comfort and care for yourself until your future life actually begins to happen. And please keep posting here a lot. It is never boring, and, if you aren't here, we all miss you.




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