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Re: by the way... James K

Posted by Estella on May 14, 2006, at 19:09:03

In reply to Re: by the way..., posted by James K on May 14, 2006, at 15:58:05

> I'm glad to hear you got a t.

thank you.

> I'm really trying to convince myself to do same while I'm still have some recovery impetus left.

yeah. if you can get one that would probably be good. someone to chat to irl...

> I think about the lashing out part, I for one intend to hurt people when I lash out. This is part of a sickness or poor coping mechanism that I don't feel is a correct way to behave, so please don't take as me thinking it's a good thing.

i understand.

> I think I have a talent for detecting the thing that would hurt the most, and when I feel someone doesn't think I'm a human worthy of respect or consideration, I attempt to make them feel the same way.

yes. me too.

> When I turn it on a good, innocent, or loved person, I can feel guilt and attempt to reverse what I just did.

yeah. i understand.

> I've been accused of dehumanizing people in order to abuse them physically or verbally.

hmm... i don't know that that is the most helpful way to look at it...

> I've also been acused of dehumanizing myself in the same way. It happened to me as a child, so I do it to others, because I know how, I know it works, I know how it feels. I do it to myself to desensitize myself from feeling anything further.

i don't know. it makes sense what you said about sometimes feeling like people don't see you / take you seriously as a person.

i think i do it to myself too. do desensitise myself from my mother's words. to toughen me up or something. i can get into some horrible head circles when i'm feeling bad.

but i guess it is like a defensive strike. always had to mask my emotions around my mother... otherwise she could figure my worst fears and use them to torment / mock me.

i don't know.

i'm glad you understand. but i'm sorry you have this difficulty too

:-(


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poster:Estella thread:643770
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060505/msgs/644017.html