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Re: Any word? madeline

Posted by wishingstar on May 11, 2006, at 20:50:18

In reply to Any word? (nm) wishingstar, posted by madeline on May 11, 2006, at 14:08:28

Well... yes and no.

She called at 10:30 this morning while I was in the shower (what timing). She left a message and said she'd try back later in the morning or early afternoon. (She never answers her own phone, so I have to wait for her to call me).

Morning and afternoon passed. I had rehearsal (I'm in a ballet soon) tonight and had to leave about 4:30.. didnt mention that on the message cause I didnt think it'd be a problem. She said she'd call early. Well as I was leaving, I left a message and said I was leaving and wouldnt be back until late, so I guess we wouldnt get to talk.. and to just forget about it because we'd talk Monday, and it wasnt that important.

Around 8, she called and apologized for "missing me" (no, she didnt miss me.. she never called back!) She said she wanted to call me tomorrow, and could call between 8-8:30am or 1-1:30pm. That's it. I'm supposed to leave a message tonight with which time is better. Apparently shes going to some workshop. Well I'm leaving home early tomorrow so 1-1:30 is bad, and 8am.. I will have just woken up and wont really be feeling anything or making much sense at that point. Really not worth it. I dont want to finally get her on the phone and then act like everything is fine, because it's really not. I'm thinking I might just tell her I'll be out of town and I'll just talk to her Monday. I just dont care anymore.

I'm really mad and really hurt. I want to say.. dont you know how hard it was for me to ask you for help? You didnt have 1 free second today after 10:30? I was sick to my stomach all day with nerves. How am I supposed to trust her, especially now? I know I'm probably overreacting, but I cant help it. I'm just done. I feel like she doesnt like me lately, and I just dont know why. I cant think of one thing I could have possibly done. I did wear a shirt that said "gay? fine by me" to her office a few weeks ago (it was a university campaign to show support for homosexuality) and she seemed very off that day.. I wonder if she strongly disagreed with my views or something? I cant imagine that would do this though. I've had other Ts do this in the past too (not call me back for days when it was important).. what's the deal? I'm trying so dang hard, and it's definitely not being reinforced. It hurts. A lot. I feel completely abandoned and like my trust has been betrayed. I need her to be there for me so badly.. but I dont know how to let her. I'm still thinking very strongly about quitting. I just dont know.

Thanks everyone for all your support.. I dont know where I'd be without you all to tell this to.


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