Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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conflicted feelings about csa ***trigger***

Posted by bent on May 11, 2006, at 13:30:38

I need to ask about something. Something I never really ever talked about. Since this board allows a certain amount of anonymity I am going to try to post it here. I hope its ok to write it here. I have processed a lot of CSA issues with my T. In fact I have never felt better about it. But there is one part of it that bothers me so badly I think it physically hurts and I don’t know if I should talk to her about it. I am so embarrassed. I don’t even know what to say to her. The closest I got was one time telling my T that I thought the guy doing this to me has been sexually abused himself, and by another man. She asked why and I said because of the things he did to me. To which she kinda got a look on her face like she understood what I was saying and said, ‘so he abused you in a homosexual way?’ I said yes, as my mind drifted so far away from my body I don’t know what happened next. I know she said something like ‘that must have been very painful for a little girl.’ I think I said I didn’t remember what it felt like. I remained in a sort of dissociated state for the rest of that session and we just talked about ‘easy things.’ To say it honestly, I will use the word sodomize I guess. That is what he did. With him self, with objects, I don’t want to think about it anymore. I can’t imagine telling her about this. Should a person even share such details? I just know that every time I told her the details of an incident that happened, it became less powerful over me. I felt stronger. I can’t imagine the conversation and although I do write to her a lot I cant imagine reading to her either. I would need her to help me through it I think. I don’t know if I can/should do it. I need to put this to rest, finally. I guess I can post this. Thanks in advance to anyone who has advice. I really appreciate it. I am feeling quite humbled having written this.




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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

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