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Re: Anyone else scared about the APA meeting? Deneb

Posted by 10derHeart on May 9, 2006, at 23:55:58

In reply to Re: Anyone else scared about the APA meeting?, posted by Deneb on May 9, 2006, at 21:43:04

Deneb.....what you wrote there was awesome!!

I'm so proud of you! (Hope it's okay if I say that) You have done some changing and growing here, and I feel privileged to have been allowed to be even a tiny part of it.

I don't think the Monday thing will be all that bad. I think it'll be fairly small groups. I think it'll feel more casual and laid back than you imagine. I think we'll be sitting there with the others and the pdocs and just contrubute something if we're ready, we want to and we can. I think what happens a lot of times is once a topic gets going, you warm up to it and just say something because you *totally* know what the other person is talking about. After all, who are more experts on Babble and what an online community is like than we are, right? And I've always found it heaps easier to speak about something when you are the expert. Increases confidence automatically. But if you don't, so what? That's realy, really okay, too. Trying counts, IMO.

Not that we won't all be buddies, 'cause we will, but if it'll help, I'll stick by you that day. I'm not afraid of whatever may or may not happen. But I know how it feels to be VERY anxious and VERY nervous in similar settings. I'm just better about it now. Maybe on a different point in the path that you are - but never forgetting how it can feel.

Your post reminded me of a group session one time with my ex-T. One of the women there also had bad panic attacks in her past (I know you don't, since it was only one years ago), and the last one had only been about 3 weeks prior. She felt bad she was too afraid to walk up to the front of her church anymore (where she'd been going for may years) during a certain part of the service that meant a lot to her (where others were also doing the same.) She was scared she'd just fall down as her legs would go weak or something from panic symptoms. I remember he asked her if she thought people would just stand there if something did start to happen. She said no, they'd help me. He also said he was pretty sure if he looked like he was about to fall down in his own church that people would definitely catch him, or help him, and not make it seem like it was terrible or anything.

She thought for a minute and said yes, they were nice friends, and would only be worried FOR her, not disgusted, or embarrassed, or anything she'd been imagining. I'm sure the problem wasn't *fixed* that moment, but I also thought that woman may have taken a big step forward with just that simple, calm, interaction with my ex-T. Seems almost silly afterwards, but really, sometimes we can't see it, until we do, and then it's like, "wow - I can change how I experience these thoughts and feelings with some self-talk! How cool!" He was ever so good at teaching CBT stuff, and at psychodynamic, too. Well, he just plain cared and he was good. Your pdoc sounds like him in many ways, and he is truly one of the best.

And shoot, when/if I ever get up the guts to tell you guys the kind of stuff that's making me anxious about the trip (so much I've half-seriously thought of canceling)....well, you'll have to try real hard not to laugh, I think. At my excuse. But we all have *something*

It'll be fine, Deneb. I'm sure of it.




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