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Re: Addressing suicide B2chica CEK

Posted by B2chica on May 9, 2006, at 13:14:20

In reply to Re: Addressing suicide B2chica, posted by CEK on May 9, 2006, at 12:24:53

first i am glad that you have a supportive pdoc and T. although i realize it's not helping you right now, it's good to know they are in place and hopefully doing their job to help you. you just seem like you are suffering so much and it just shouldn't be that way.
you have tried quite a few AD's, what about TCA's, moai's or even zyprexa (though i know your pdoc said to stay awawy from AP).
and it's weird about hospitals. if you aren't on any medication they berrate you for needing to 'grow up' and learn you must take medication and regularly, but if you KNOW you need it and request it they talk to you like you're an addict....i've never liked that one bit.

i'm sorry you feel you aren't being 'all you can' for your kids when you talk about always sleeping or listening to ipod, i see myself.
>> I don't feel any love inside me for anyone and that kills me. That is at the heart of my guilt and thoughts of suicide.>>
one good thing is you've identified your source of pain. (one of them anyway). this may not sound like much but mine was deep below the surface and when my source of pain finally emerged, although it didn't help the pain go away, at least it had a name. something i could fight against. i hope it can do the same for you.

it seems to me to be such a vicious cycle. not being there for loved ones, depresses more, less able, more depression, etc.
and don't for a second think that you can't help them become the best person they can be. you may not say much but even by something as simple as saying you love them, give them a hug once and a while, even telling them that you aren't feeling very well. you are helping them become a caring, understanding person. they will grow with compassion for others....because of their mother.
and stress happens, it is NOT your fault what your husband does. even if it's your responsibilty to pay the bill and it's not being don't deserve to die for this.

i am so sorry you are hurting so much. i know my words aren't comfort but know i care.
you're in my thoughts.





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