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Re: Addressing suicide Declan

Posted by CEK on May 9, 2006, at 6:48:44

In reply to Re: Addressing suicide curtm, posted by Declan on May 5, 2006, at 0:52:16

Hi. I'm one of those suicidal people. I am married with three children and would never want to hurt them, but one of the things that pushes me toward the thought of suicide is the thought that I am hurting them now. I'm one of those weird women that would actually like to be a "Stepford wife." I want to do everything for my family, my husband, my children. This would make me happy even though my T says I wouldn't be taking care of my own needs. They are my needs. I've suffered with depression for the last 6 years and a breakdown in Jan.of this year and since became worse and found out I was bipolar. I have not been able to be the wife and mother that I long to be, just a piece of crap fill in that is called mom. Nothing, and I do mean nothing brings me pleasure in life and I don't want my children to be affected by this and have their whole life screwed up as mine was by a dysfunctional family. The stress and guilt I occur because of this makes me feel that they would be better off if I was gone. I am financially putting my family in the hole over this whole illness and I see no stop to it. If I was gone, and my death looked like an accident, all of our bills would be paid which would take that stress off of my husband and children. My husband is a handsome man and any woman would love to have him, especially with his house and all of his bills paid. Before long my children would have a new "sane" mommy to love and care for them and then they could be happy. Time would heal their wounds and they would be happier and better off without me. As for my parents, I get alot of this illness from them since it's known to be inherited and I'm sure they expect it. My mother never thought that when she married a "crazy" and I do mean certifiable man that she would pass this on to me. They say to be selective about your mates and they really do mean it. I've been hospitalized twice for my suicidal thoughts. First time in January, second was just this past week. It didn't help. Only made me worse. The meds and the therapy don't help. What else is there? Nothing I tell you. It has to stop somewhere. How can any of my family be happy with me around to rain on their parade? I've sat outside during tornado warnings and electrical storms tempting God to take me. As for going to hell for suicide? Hell is here on earth. I've been living in it for years. Bring it on.




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