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Re: Not so wild Dinah

Posted by All Done on March 13, 2006, at 22:15:49

In reply to A wild idea, posted by Dinah on March 12, 2006, at 10:29:40

> Inspired by your post about being cranky.
>
> I hadn't really noticed you were cranky.
>
> Maybe the healing aspect, for you, will be to be able to get truly angry this time. At all the things you've ever wanted but haven't been able to have. Of all the times you've wanted more and haven't been able to get it. Maybe the difference this time is that you don't have to take it silently or in good humor or by being understanding. Maybe the healing can come in a supermegatransference. So that you can get super-angry, then grieve, and then be able to see it as something you've grieved and moved along from. Although grief always sticks with us, the sort you acknowledge and live through is supposed to interfere with our lives less.
>
> Just a crazy idea, and may be worth what all my early morning (yes, it's early morning for me) ideas are worth.

Well, Dinah, if your idea is crazy, so were my T's ideas. At my last session, I told him how much I wanted him to be able to love me back. The discussion shifted to my dad's inability to love me the way I wished he would have. As always, I blamed my mom a lot, but my T gently nudged me to think about the effect of my dad's alcoholism and the decisions *he* made, apart from my mom.

It was really hard to think about. After talking about it a little, I said something like, "my dad was the only one who could ever love me the way I needed to be loved. I only had one dad and now he's gone and I'll never get the kind of love I wanted or needed from him." Then, I started getting dizzy and felt like I was sort of floating away. I've had this happen a few times, but it never lasted as long as it did this time. Anyway, once the feeling passed a bit, my T started using words like "resentment". He didn't say anger, but I think he knows better than to use that word right away with me ;). I'm pretty sure you're both on to something, though.

It's just scary to me. I'm afraid of everyone thinking I'm crazy and irrational for being angry. Like they think of my mom.

And supermegatransference?? Well, just typing that out makes me nervous. ;)

Early morning or not, your ideas are always worth so much to me, Dinah.

Thanks,
Laurie


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poster:All Done thread:616587
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060312/msgs/620048.html