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Re: Rage, transparent dreams, etc... **triggers**? fairywings

Posted by LegWarmers on March 8, 2006, at 13:09:09

In reply to Rage, transparent dreams, etc... **triggers**?, posted by fairywings on March 8, 2006, at 1:35:40

> I hate my body to the point where looking in the mirror, or showers disolve me into tears - all I can think about is that I look like my parents. I am full of shame, and self loathing.


> I've lost track of time, had "transparent" dreams while awake - very short, just maybe 10 - 20 seconds, I'd guess. Usually when I'm tired, but have "daydreams" (or very caught up in thoughts) even when it's not a good time to have them (driving).
> Said things or emailed things I don't remember.

Yup Ive done that, it sounds like stress and feeling overwhelmed and like something is brewing on the surface.

> I can't identify "how" I feel about things. I just don't know what I'm feeling - when i try to understand, it all just becomes a mass of jumble thoughts. In therapy, I can't process my thoughts. I can't answer questions accurately bec. I need time to process - my mind doesn't go blank, but what comes to mind isn't accurate, and i don't realize that till later.

Maybe you do know how you feel about things but maybe they are too hard to 'feel' or express in appropriate words. When they can't come out in words it makes us feel worse, more trapped within our pain, more alone. And painful experiences can't always come out in words the way we want them too. We have too many thoughts in therapy that there is nothing wrong with not processing it right then. I think T's understand this.

> I have trouble talking about it bec. I find this stuff really embarrassing.

oh I understand embarrassing! Or afraid of being judged, but when I have chosen the appropriate person to open up to, I never have had an experience that I feared I might have. Its more built up in our heads, you know? Its embarrassing to us, but to a T they see it differnetly, they understand and process it differently. they hear very embarrassing stories regularly. But what you need to remember, is it doesn;t matter if he is appaulled or shocked, or anything, Which BTW I am positive he wouldn't be, ITs about you, and its about getting you to a better place. Its not about him. Think about it as though you are going to someone who you never have to see again, ever, they will treat your issue and make you feel better and poof! they are gone out of your life because you don't need them anymore. Ts are not supposed to be people who judge, and most do not. they are hired to help someone fix something. From my experience, a T might say to me when i reveal something embarrassing or that I am ashamed of... wow, that sounds like x,y&z but how great that you are here now, or whatever... you know? They care more about today, more about who you are today, even most 'people' care more about who we are today, not then, not when, not because, not last year, today. Of course last year etc is important but so is now and what a person has been through and *become* ... am I making sense lol
Sorry I got a little lost in my writing ; )


it will feel better, it will.




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