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Re: When there's no place to focus upset

Posted by Daisym on March 7, 2006, at 18:21:22

In reply to When there's no place to focus upset, posted by Racer on March 7, 2006, at 13:20:37

You aren't going to like my answer...

Why do we have to "do" anything with anger? I'm thinking that it is a feeling like other feeling that we learn to tolerate and titrate and let go. There is nothing wrong with understanding another person's reasons or position on something, even if we disagree with them or conclude that they elected to do the wrong thing or made bad choices. Understanding something doesn't eliminate anger. Also, being angry doesn't mean that you are now as bad or worse than the person who did whatever it was that made you angry. Anger is a response. We learn to control our responses and act them out in appropriate ways.

I think part of our task is to just allow ourselves to seethe. To feel anger in its intensity, to clench our jaw, frown with our whole face and even cry those angry tears. Perhaps we learn how to express our anger without giving it away. Words can be powerful. Maybe we learn to say, "Man, I'm so p*ss*d off at you!" and then stop talking. We don't have to prove that we have a reason good enough to be mad about. We just are. And I think the hardest thing we have to learn (I haven't yet) is to accept an apology and still allow ourselves to be mad. "Yes, I know you are sorry but I'm still angry right now." And leave it at that. This is really hard for me because I feel like if I can't immediately get over being angry, I'm something horrible: a grudge holder, a b*tch, a whiner, you name it...

Second to just letting yourself feel anger, it seems healthy to physically discharge it. Walk it off, run it off, box, hit fences or break dishes. Don't hurt anyone, but work to physically exhaust yourself. This might give "words" to this feeling that is very uncomfortable.




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