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If I change am I still me?

Posted by James K on March 7, 2006, at 15:45:12

This comes from something that was elsewhere on the boards but comes right down to the point for me. I am a very particular somebody. It was said if I change from therapy or meds or whatever, I'm still me. I've been scared of that forever. Now as I prepare to finally go into a good therapy and med based longterm hospital setting, this idea has to be addressed.

How I see me - (don't laugh, some may seem pretentious or arrogant, but it's true)

a bad *ss
a genius
a victim
death before dishonor
ugly in mind
handsome in body
a Punk Rocker
a lover

I like being me, even though sometimes I am miserable or out of control. There is this fear that I'll become a "christian" or a "recovery person" and I mean those not in their true meanings, but more like a happy stupid robot. I'm actually scared that I'll be controlled and lose my proper anger, and be unprotected. Just some thoughts. It's about self image versus the imagined image of changing myself.

Anybody else ever struggle with thoughts in this general category? Well I'm going to have to.

James K




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