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Re: moving more deeply (trigger) Pfinstegg

Posted by Daisym on March 6, 2006, at 23:43:49

In reply to Re: moving more deeply (trigger) Daisym, posted by Pfinstegg on February 26, 2006, at 1:22:31

I'm revisiting this thread tonight because it has been really relevent the past week for me. I did talk to my therapist about EMDR and my feelings about it. I wondered if I wasn't being masochistic in my need to keep feeling these feelings...or worse...wallowing in self-pity. He said it made sense for me (or parts of me) to be afraid of being put back in the deep freeze. And it seems really critical to the angry part of me that she be allowed to HURT in a big way, because she had to keep all those feelings at bay for so long. And she not only wants to HURT but she wants a witness to that HURT. She wants it confirmed that, indeed, what happened was Bad. With a capital B. I guess we still have a lot of work to do here around letting it go and leaving it in the past.

The other reason I'm rereading is that I tried your "family meeting" idea. I wrote a little about it below, but it was a really interesting exercise and opened up a lot of conversation about needing and wanting and desperately NOT wanting and needing. No wonder I'm so tense, all these parts are in total conflict about what would be soothing. And discussing this exercise with my therapist allowed me to see why one age is so fearful about what another age wants. Which helped me to understand why the idea of going to a group made me feel like I'd lose my therapist. Telling meant risking losing my dad -- and maybe even my mom. So telling now means risking my therapist. I hate transference!

Anyway, thank you for sharing that idea. I hope you don't mind that I tried it. Today was better. Calmer. Though for the first time ever I think my therapist forgot about something he said he would do. I guess we'll see tomorrow. I didn't bring it up, so maybe he was waiting for me? I wish everything in therapy didn't mean so much.

Hugs from me,
Daisy

 

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