Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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I'm so confused

Posted by Voce on March 3, 2006, at 0:56:34

I'm going to e-mail T2 again and let her know that while I don't hate her for life, I was uncomfortable with her discussing me with T1. Who knows if she'll care.

The funny thing is, I feel so happy most of the time. I love my fiance so much. I want to be with him all the time. It is only when I actually let myself stop and think about therapy when I hurt. Like when I had my one-on-one with our pre-marriage counselor and I cried and cried for the whole session.

What now? My former T is 1 hour north of me. It would incredibly easy to drive up there, to show up in his office, to shock the hell out of him. What I want is to sit down with him and dissect the messy ending of our relationship/termination. I want to tell him how irresponsible I think psychodynamic therapy is, when the attachment is encouraged even with the timeframe is limited. I want to accuse him of getting too emotionally involved.

Is this going to bring me closure, though? Or will it just prolong the pain? How will I lay eyes on him knowing that I am here to tie up loose ends and then cut myself emotionally free? How would I ever let him go for good?

There is a little comfort in knowing that I don't *have* to hurt myself over it because I'm no longer his patient. Seeing him in the flesh would make the pain more intense, for awhile at least. I don't have to look for him here because he's gone.

But this crazy idea of driving up and slapping him upside the head is becoming more and more appealing. But I would run the risk of wounding myself in the process.

Maybe I need to cry a little more in the marriage counselor's office before I drive up there. Maybe I need to talk myself out of it; it's a bad idea, oh yes.

I'm angry at him, oh yes. I am so angry at him that I wish he could have witnessed the 2 years of grief I've had over him. I hope someone hurts him like I've been hurt. I want him to see all my pain in all it's ugliness because it's his fault, oh yes. But he is conveniently unavailable.




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