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Re: How come I don't like therapy right now? annierose

Posted by Daisym on February 27, 2006, at 23:15:33

In reply to How come I don't like therapy right now?, posted by annierose on February 27, 2006, at 16:23:01

You don't like it because it is hard.

I think you don't like her because she isn't giving you anything to push against. Could it be that you don't like yourself very much at the moment? This isn't a wild guess, of course, because you said as much in your post. It is hard to tell about things that we aren't proud of without defending them in some tiny way. By openly accepting you, she doesn't need you to explain or defend why you said what you did, the way you did. But maybe you want to argue with her anyway? Can you imagine her saying what you said? Can you imagine her losing her cool in anyway? I asked my therapist what he looks like was an interesting discussion.

I HATE silence. It is loaded with anxiety and menace for me. I typically end up terrorized and explode into tears and babbling a mile a minute. When I'm struggling like you are, my therapist does what yours does, he leaves me alone for a few minutes (never more than 5) and then checks in about where I've gone. I've learned to describe what I'm looking at, usually the birds or leaves on the tree outside. Or I'll be up on the ceiling watching us. Some of our best conversations have happened when he's joined me "up there" and we talk about what it was like to watch things from a safe distance. Maybe you need to sit up for a little while and try a new perspective. I've also noticed that when he says, "it's OK, we don't have to talk about that right now" the pressure comes off and I usually can. I haven't figured this out yet, but it is internal pressure, it isn't coming from him.

Other times when I don't know what I want to say, I talk about the questions that are floating around. Just a list of questions, and not try to have the answers.

But all in all, the place you are in stinks. It is painful and slow. And yes, it makes total sense to me that you don't like her, but you still love her. (I'm curious, is it hard to type that, or tell her that you love her? I know it is maternal for you...maybe that is easier to talk about? See my post below as to why this is on my mind.)




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