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Re: what's happened *mult trigger* James K

Posted by B2chica on February 27, 2006, at 9:31:49

In reply to what's happened *mult trigger*, posted by James K on February 25, 2006, at 15:42:56

>>Now sex, nakedness, pain, humiliation are all twisted up in my head.
james, i'm so sorry what you've been through. things like this would not be allowed today. and it's ashame they happened at all. but i can relate. my mother was the abuser to me, at first she used a belt but she must have thought that wasn't working so she'd use both her hands and just go nuts hitting me all over in a rage. but i understand the naked thing too. i too had to undress for most punishements. my inner being screams of humiliation. its such a horrible feeling it makes me sick. i don't think i'm dealing with it very well.

>>They continued to hit us for years, but they'd lost me. I started using drugs a couple of years later, and some day in my early teens, my mom tried to hit me some more, and I threw her to the ground.

sorry if this sounds cruel but i have to say YA for you. i to this day remember the first time i hit my 'mother' back. and it still feels good. i got stronger the further i got into my teens and by 15 i felt much stronger and able to 'deal' with her irradic mood swings and 'attempted' abuse. i often learned how to thwart it.
i'm sorry you had to resort to substance abuse, but i've been there too.

man, you did get into a lot of fights. but i agree that it makes you MUCH stronger. the only times i've fought guns is when the person was trying to kill themselves, so i have too much experience there. but the strength you gain is irreplaceable.

i too am a big SI(er?) but haven't in about a month. that's really excellent for me.
i'm sorry to hear about all your pain. you have so much, much more than any one person should suffer.

boy...this really is a multi trigger post. i'm so sorry all those horrible predaters came after you. but i think they do have a sense of who may be vulnerable to them.

>>>All that is just to say the muliple personality parts of me are the hurt kid (that I hate) the adolescent who tried (and failed) and Me (who would rather break something than feel or remember any of this stuff that comes to me when I stay sober too long, or get triggered by the news or media of some kind)

are you seeing a T? there are some out there that specialize in dual-diagnosis which are people who have a substance abuse along with emotional/mental issues.
these are all VERY important aspects of you and they ALL need to be recognized and worked with.

i'm sorry i'm not much help but i want you to know you are not alone and i'm so glad you've joined babble.

please be gentle with yourself when you can




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