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Re: Iíve changed my mind: itís too scary (TRIGGERS Ľ Dinah

Posted by Tamar on February 24, 2006, at 17:37:40

In reply to Re: Iíve changed my mind: itís too scary (TRIGGERS Ľ Tamar, posted by Dinah on February 24, 2006, at 9:40:31

> Tamar. You need to tell him what you're feeling *as* you're feeling it.

Yeah. Youíre right. I need to start identifying when I feel hurt, because my first reaction is to pretend everything is fine; I almost convince myselfÖ

> I'm the same way. I get upset at something in session, and come home and take it out on myself. Or call him hysterically and accuse him of having bad feelings about me.
> I've learned I *have* to do a stream of consciousness about those things.

Good idea. I found the last couple of sessions I was able to say when I felt uncomfortable talking about something, but admitting to being hurt is so very contrary to my usual way of talkingÖ

> So last time when he stood up to stretch and moved to the chair that was five feet further away from me, I sat upset for a few minutes then said "You got up and moved away from me! That hurts, I feel rejected! Am I too close?" And we discussed the whole thing right there. It still hurt afterwards but not bad enough to hurt myself.

Itís good that you could say that. Yeah, Iíd have felt hurt as well.

> You can't let therapy be another source of pain to you Tamar. You have too many others right now. Believe me I understand. I really really do. It was hard as heck to start doing this. But it does help.

Youíre rightÖ although I donít know if therapy itself is a source of pain. I tend to assume my pain is transferential. And yes, it was hard to go back, but youíre right; it does help.

> I'm sorry to put my hands on my hips with you. But I care about you and don't like to see you hurt, even by yourself. Is it ok to give you a cyberhug?

Thanks Dinah! Cyberhugs are great. Hereís one for you too: (((((Dinah)))))




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