Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Iíve changed my mind: itís too scary (TRIGGERS)

Posted by Tamar on February 24, 2006, at 9:27:58

In most ways my session today was pretty good. I talked about lots of stuff that I hate talking about. He was his usual encouraging self. He was careful and sensitive.

BUTÖ I was finding it pretty hard going. And at one point, when we were talking about faith, I asked him, ďAre you religious?Ē And he said something like, ďI donít think itís helpful to tell you my perspectives on things.Ē And I said, ďOh right; OK,Ē and we carried on.

I wasnít at all distressed that he didnít answer my question. I didnít ask out of any burning desire to know; it simply crossed my mind at that moment. And of course his answer came as no surprise to me.

But I was stunned at my reaction to his answer. I spent the rest of the session trying not to cry. Iím pretty sure I asked him the question just in order to feel that trusting him was the right thing to do; I wanted to feel more connected to him because I was feeling pretty freaked out by the words that were coming out of my mouth. But instead he pushed me away.

I wish heíd heard what I was really asking. I wish heíd asked me why I wanted to know, so I could have said, ďI donít really have an urgent need to know; Iím just feeling curious about you because I'm telling you so much about myself and I don't know anything about you.Ē

But I donít know how to ask for what I really want. I donít know how to stay feeling safe and connected when I start getting really freaked out. And when I feel as if I want to reach out to him, hoping heíll steady me (metaphorically), he seems to withdraw.

I came home and cut my arms, and then I cut my breasts for the first time. Iíve been wanting to cut my breasts for ages. In fact, Iíd like to cut them off completely.

Why canít I just tell him I want to stay connected to him? Thatís not outrageous, is it? ButÖ what if he refuses? What will I cut then?

How did I get so repulsive?




Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post

Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.


Start a new thread

Google www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:Tamar thread:612762