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Re: Does regression mean you haven't worked out fully? Ľ orchid

Posted by Tamar on October 25, 2005, at 15:52:51

In reply to Re: Does regression mean you haven't worked out fully? Ľ JenStar, posted by orchid on October 25, 2005, at 14:25:33

Hi Orchid,

I find it happens to me too. Some days the transference will all come flooding back. I canít always identify a reason why (although sometimes itís obvious why itís happening).

And, like you, I usually feel embarrassed and ashamed. However, a few times recently itís been a little different: Iíve felt the intense feelings of love but itís been like the feelings of love for someone whoís simply no longer there rather than the shame of love that was rejected. So I hope that means itíll start getting a bit easier. And I hope it will get easier for you too.

> I feel like I am untouchable and feel so ashamed that I wrote to him so much.

The word Ďuntouchableí is precisely the word that comes to my mind when I feel like this. Itís horrible, isnít it? I just want to be hugged but I feel Iím too disgusting for anyone to want to touch me.

> Maybe I am still not quite at peace with my feelings and the troubled feelings come up every once in a while.

I think feeling completely at peace takes a long time. Old feelings can continue to return for a while. If you continue to feel well, I think they should get less disruptive eventually.

One thing Iíve been trying to get my head around recently is the distinction between transference and attachment. I think perhaps Iíve been calling all of my feelings transference when in fact a great deal of it was attachment. And somehow attachment doesnít feel as embarrassing to me as transference. Of course, I realise Iím talking about theoretical ideas that I havenít studied and whose meanings are open to debateÖ so Iím prepared to be put right by people who know better!

Anyway, Iím in a place now where I (mostly) feel that it was OK to want to be near him and to want him to be part of my life. Iím still a bit embarrassed that I wanted to tear off his clothes, but I keep telling myself that it was probably inevitable in the circumstancesÖ Maybe Iíll believe myself one day!

I hope you can find a way to come to believe that it was OK and perfectly appropriate for you to experience those feelings for your therapist, and that theyíre nothing to be ashamed of.





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