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Re: Such a fake **Trigger** csa antigua

Posted by Damos on October 24, 2005, at 1:24:53

In reply to Such a fake **Trigger** csa, posted by antigua on October 23, 2005, at 18:46:46

> I'm getting really good at faking my life, pretending that everything is fine when inside I feel worse than mabye ever before. Maybe not that bad, but pretty bad.

Aw Antigua, don't you go being sorry now, okay. There's nothing to be sorry about. What you said was all too familiar to me and it's a lousy place to be.

Coming off one drug is hard enough without the waiting and wondering if the new one is actually doing anything. You sound like a great mum to me. It might not sound or seem like much, but getting up before they get home is something to be proud of.

> Therapy is so hard right now. Part of me thinks it's good to be hit w/these intense feelings while I'm unmedicated because I really think the medication keeps me from feeling. Feelings are always blocked; they aren't now. I still don't cry, though, that's the hardest thing to do. A good long cry would help, I'm sure.

I didn't cry for a long time till the big trigger and it was such a relief. But like someone else says you need to be prepared for some serious waterworks when the dam breaks. Maybe part of it is not to worry too much about whether you should or shouldn't cry over a particular thing, but to just feel the feeling that are there and just let whatever happens happen.

> Same old story: I just want to be held and told that it's all going to be o.k. I want to be touched, too, to satisfy the desire, and that's humiliating to face. Tricky thing is it has to be by a man and it's not my husband. I'd like to just get the damn hug so I'd discover it isn't what I long for, and then I could move forward.

I have the same feelings too. My family were not into verbal or physical expressions of affection so I'm at a loss with all that stuff. But I'm willing to try if you are. Okay so if it's alright we'll just start with a little tiny one (Antigua). Was that okay? Little more ((Antigua)). Still okay? Alright now just close your eyes, cause it's all gonna be okay(((((Antigua))))).

Thanks Antigua, you give great hugs.

The dad stuff must be so hard. Just know you didn't do anything wrong - not ever.

Hang in there okay, you mean a lot to us.




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