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Re: Well, apparently I have poor tolerance Dinah

Posted by alexandra_k on October 21, 2005, at 22:36:03

In reply to Re: Well, apparently I have poor tolerance, posted by Dinah on October 21, 2005, at 19:31:23

>I'd like to use more productive distractions like work, rather than costly ones like enthusiasms, or unpleasant ones like obsessive fears.

>My mind just seems to make the less productive choices without my control.
>Or maybe the earnest "good" choices don't offer sufficient distraction.

I remember that in DBT skills training group we were given handouts of lists of things we could do to distract ourselves from negative emotions. I think we had lists of things we could do to self-soothe too. You might be able to find a link to the handouts online.

We found that different people were more inclined to try some of the strategies over others. Different people found different sorts of strategies worked best for them. In a way... Having a large list of strategies of things to do means that... you can pretty much always do something off the list. And the emotion passes.

Work... can be more of a stress in itself than a distraction from other things sometimes.

In a way I guess they provide things to do that can be done mindfully...

> T1 has seen me through far more destructive distractions than the ones I use now, and is happy at incremental improvement.

I feel like my progress is really slow sometimes too.

>And I think maybe he's given up expecting me to do much better, and is happy enough for me to do as well as I can.

So the message you take is that 'The best I can do is to have an incremental improvement'

> T3 seems to think I could do better, but appears to have a certain level of amused acceptance of my strength of will - so far at least.


>I don't tolerate pain well.

I don't think many people do. I think it is something that most people could learn to be better at. Because it is preferable to be able to tolerate what you cannot change than to not be able to tolerate it but have to tolerate it regardless. That, it itself, helps one feel better. And then there is the point that one sometimes chooses to tolerate an emotion because that is preferable to changing the situation. It is an alternative to change at any rate. And also:

Acceptance is change.
And when we can't change the world we can change ourselves
By accepting ourselves.
Whereas if you try and change it...
Most people resist other people trying to 'do things' to them.
Especially when they are causing pain
That they are having trouble tolerating it.

> And I don't really get that. It seems like I tolerate pain all the time, or at least enough of it that I shouldn't be accused of that so much.

I think you are doing really well to cope as well as you have with what has gone on for you in your life lately. You should be proud of your ability to cope.

But that being said... I think most people could find benefit to learn how to cope better with painful emotions.

>I seem to remember some textbook or something that had the types of coping mechanisms and their maturity level. I thought distraction was thought of as in the more mature level along with humor and whatever else.

Sublimation? I think thats how work is supposed to come into it (ideally)...

I think... Distraction from things you are powerless to change. Once I've sent my applications off there is no point in my dwelling too much on whether I'll get in or not. I am best to pretty much distract / throw myself as best I can into my current project (or something else if it comes to that) because worrying won't change anything.

But if you distract repeatedly from grieving... Well, some things will come back to bite you in the *ss if you try to repress them or continually distract from them or avoid them.

> That it is somehow "right" to bear the physiological arousal.

Maybe... That will help with the sex thing?
Maybe... Its about you feeling your bodily experiences and being able to accept them instead of feeling numb or otherwise dissociating from or avoiding them?

>I'm just not sure why that's supposed to be morally superior. Or even more helpful.

Maybe... It will reduce your pain. And that would be preferable. Because you do hurt sometimes.
We all do.

Sounds like you have a lot to ask about clarifying next time.





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