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Re: Confused, need some advice, please help please happyflower

Posted by Tamar on October 21, 2005, at 20:37:13

In reply to Re: Confused, need some advice, please help please Tamar, posted by happyflower on October 21, 2005, at 20:07:11

> I am just joking, I appreciate every word you have to say. You just make a lot of sense out of all my nonscence. But now I am feeling a little weird knowing you are a teacher, and I can't spell anything right! LOL :)

I never think less of people for their spelling! And anyway, spelling online is a whole different thing; were all typing in a hurry. I make plenty of errors myself so Im not about to criticise you!

> Yes, I feel like it is really seeming like a close friendship. He asks for my advice on his garden almost every session. We talk about our love of music every session. We talk about working out every session. He has even showed me pictures of his daugher , and old pictures of him and his family doing races and stuff. He told me he used to play the guitar, so much stuff I can't remember. He has told me personal medical stuff about him too. I know about his parents, siblings and their lives. I don't know to much about his wife except she is a teacher at a college. He did tell me last session he has been married 23 years, mostly happy.

Yeah, thats quite a lot of disclosure. My therapist told me precisely three things about himself: he used to live in the city where I grew up, he used to smoke, and hes related to someone who works near me (he only told me that in case I knew his relative; I didnt) Im sure you really do have a lot in common with your therapist.

> Okay, I understand what you mean, now. He should know this stuff I would think, because he specializes in trama therapy.

That makes sense.

> Yup, I think this is a good point. But then again how many relationships last anyways. It
> seems like all relationship have the odds way against them lasting.

I think if relationships last beyond a couple of years its usually because both people want the same things, whether its marriage or careers or children or sci-fi conventions... whatever. But its a matter of basic life satisfaction. Mutual attraction just isnt enough to hold a relationship together.

> LOL, nothing get past you! Well he just sort of shrugged his shoulders like "nothing" . It was a weird moment, because I was just chatting away looking out the window, and then looked at him, and he was just looking at me like I was the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. It almost took my breath away to be honest. All I could say was "what"? lol I am a little shy when in comes to stuff like that.

Wow! That must have been an amazing moment! Yeah, what can you say? Id also have said What? It must have been lovely to see him looking at you like that. I remember my therapist looking at me once he tilted his head to one side and licked his lips To this day I keep telling myself he must have had sore lips, but frankly I dont want to believe it

> Yeah, I know about the things being stacked up against us. I guess I really don't care right now. I do have this connection to him that I can't explain. It is something I felt the first time I saw him . It is something that I sprititially feel. I have only felt it with my grandma, and old friend who died, and my new grandson. I really can't explain it in words. Then you know it is kinda of cosmic that we have so much in common, really wierd stuff too. Like we both own the same Grandma Moses print, which isn't common at all. (he has it in his waiting room. His sisters B-day is the same as mine, we run into the gym that one day. I didn't know he worked out there, and he is only there a couple days a month, and then to meet at the exact time. Then there was this instance were I went to a local garden that is about 3 hours away from my house, my DH refused to go, even for mothers day. Well I found out that it is in the same town that he grew up in, in fact he was home that day to see his mother. So we were only about 15 minutes from each other, 3 hours away from where we live. I could go on and on about these weird things and not so weird things.

I know the sort of thing you mean. My mother says she has that kind of connection with my first daughter, and my father says he has it with my second daughter. Life is full of these strange connections and when they stack up with one person, well, it can feel as if theres something really important going on. I get that.

> Hmmm. TWO men! WOW, now that sounds interesting! LOL

Yeah its just a fantasy though. I dont think Id act on it unless my therapist and one of my colleagues no! stop it! Bad Tamar!

> Thanks, I think I will really think about this. How long was you in therapy with your exT? It sound like you are doing good too. :)

Just six months. I want more. Im still thinking I might go back one day





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