Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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So I went to the doctor…

Posted by Tamar on October 21, 2005, at 18:12:29

Yesterday… had to have a bunch of internal stuff done… pap smear and suchlike. I’ve been trying to find the strength to do it for months. In fact, I posted about it a few months ago and you all gave me lots of good advice.

I cried all the way through it. I felt sick to begin with and as soon as the doctor touched me I started crying. I took my husband with me and he held my hand the whole time. I couldn’t believe how triggering it was. And of course because I wasn’t relaxed it was extremely painful.

I’m glad it’s over. But in a way I think it’s a good thing I bawled through the whole thing. Better than dissociating, better than trying to pretend it didn’t bother me… Not comfortable for the doctor, and I didn’t explain much at first, but I figure if she’s never seen it before, it’s probably time she did. I told her I had flashbacks and she asked if it was about childbirth and I said no it was other stuff, and then I think it became pretty obvious…

We went for a stroll around a gallery afterwards. It was nice to get some beautiful images in my head.

I desperately want to talk to my ex-therapist about it. I’m in the transference / attachment hole again…




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