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Re: Can't keep working or quit. *maybe slight trig* Ľ javableue

Posted by Tamar on October 19, 2005, at 18:24:02

In reply to Can't keep working or quit. *maybe slight trig*, posted by javableue on October 16, 2005, at 23:06:02

> The act in question is really quite minor; I'm too ashamed even to mention it but suffice to say most would be shocked that it bothered me at all. Things went too far between us physically (by our own standards), and while there was some shame over having transgressed those standards, I do think I'm over that and it's forgiven.

This is the sort of thing I inevitably pick up on, and if you donít want to discuss it thatís fine. But I wasnít sure from your description whether you were talking about sex or violence or both. Though of course itís none of my businessÖ But do let us know if you want some support.

> What has been haunting me about the incident was how I felt when he was doing that to me; violated, powerless, unable to protest in any way, felt years younger than my actual age... I feel so ridiculous, because of course it wasn't inappropriate in the way I felt it was, I wasn't powerless, and he did nothing wrong; he didn't know what I was going through when he did that until after the fact. Given that all of these things are true and that nothing inappropriate of the sort has ever happened to me, I don't know what to make of these feelings. I want them so badly to go away; but they won't... but how can I deal with them if they have no apparent source? All I can come up with are some really distorted thoughts/feelings I had as a child, and they only make me more ashamed.

Sometimes we can never be sure of a source, and then I guess we have to find ways of processing the feelings that arise even if we donít understand them.

I think GG was right about finishing earlyÖ itís probably nothing about you specifically, though I can understand why it might feel that way. Oh, and I really donít think youíre being manipulative if you bring it up with him! Itís very important, and he ought to understand that.

I know that anxiety about termination has come up a few times recently. My own view use to be that thereís not much point talking about it before youíre ready to think about it, but someone else once made a good point that if itís worrying you, you should talk about it. (I canít remember who it was; Iím sorry not to be able to give credit to the appropriate person.)

> I realised recently that, quite apart from transference, he's the closest thing to a father I've ever had... within the role he is in, he's consistently made efforts to care for and protect me in ways which are significant beyond physical necessities, which my biological father never did

It does seem as if somethingís coming upÖ Iím glad to hear you expressing so much confidence in your T. It sounds as if you really believe he can help you.

Tamar


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poster:Tamar thread:567978
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051018/msgs/568968.html