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Re: How does he help you overcoming these feelings? orchid

Posted by daisym on October 15, 2005, at 0:21:15

In reply to Re: How does he help you overcoming these feelings? Tamar, posted by orchid on October 14, 2005, at 15:17:42

You ask good questions -- but I can tell you that my therapist doesn't want me to overcome these feelings, he wants us to work with them and understand them. He wants me to allow that I have feelings, good and bad, that I can't control and that have no purpose but just are part of me. I do what you are doing -- I probe for faster ways to "get through it" and I feel frustrated that I can't just "get over it." But trauma work, I am told, takes a long time and it is important to let all the parts and pieces have their say. I know that is really hard for people to understand sometimes.

I've used that "wallowing in the mud" expression, describing myself as full of self-pity, etc. The response is almost always that it is OK to want to be heard, that most people grow up never being heard. So saying stuff out loud, over and over again is really important.

I think it is all about which orientation you are using and whether it is short or long term therapy. I do understand that you are simply suggesting other options, but it is hard not to feel criticized. It isn't so much that I disagree with you as much as I agree totally with you about wallowing in it. It is just hard to hear it put like that and it is hard not to want to defend my therapist (even when I'm upset with him.) I think sometimes I get the feeling that you disapprove of his style and my dependency. Believe me, I'm working on it.

All that said, I appreciate the support you are always willing to offer.




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