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Re: Burned all right.

Posted by Blossom on October 12, 2005, at 19:50:28

In reply to Burned all right. Blossom, posted by muffled on October 12, 2005, at 12:26:13

> ***Isn't therapy usually 2 sided?
Okay, what I mean here is, I share about myself, he shares a bunch of personal stuff about himself too. Not the usual therapy stuff. More like you do in a friendship.

> He even admitted that he had told me at least twice as much personal information about himself as any other client, and he said at one point "yeah, I guess we have become friends."
> ***'Yeah, I guess'......that doesn't sound very enthusiastic
I guess under the circumstances (considering how he does NOT become friends with his clients), I took it as a reluctant admission.

> He also made some remarks that led me to suspect that he had some erotic feelings for me, though he never made any direct admission of that.
> ***WHOAH!!! RED light. STOP now. Gaaack. Not good.So, so, bad, bad, bad. Career destroying. Marriage destroying. Life destroying.

Right. But we all know how therapists sometimes have countertransference. I posted on this subject some months ago. At first, it really freaked me out when I realized it, but I don't think that he intended me to know how he felt, and I became comfortable believing that he did not intend to act on those feelings. Anyway, as I said, I have absolutely NO intentions of that kind of relationship.

> When I finally terminated, I grieved horribly for him. It was just terrible. It was like he had died.
> ***Alarm bells. Way too attached. Not good, not good.
You're right. I completely agree. After that, I vowed that the only thing that would get me back into therapy with anyone would be a risk to my very life. Yeah, everyone grieves to some extent when they terminate, don't they? But I think that it was worse for me because there was already a very clear boundary crossing. So instead of losing a therapist that I clearly didn't need anymore, I was losing someone with whom I had formed a different kind of bond.

> I kinda wonder why he allows this after he's reiterated that he doesn't do things this way.
> ***YOU initiated it, not him. He's human. He's having a weak moment. You are pushing some buttons for him that he likes.
Wait a minute, here! That's akin to saying that a woman is at fault for being raped because she's flirtateous. I may keep in contact with him, BUT, let me reiterate that HE started it back in therapy. He's the one who crossed the boundary. And, yes, I may unintentionally push his buttons with my charming self (whatever ;) but HE is the therapist here. He's the one who's supposed to keep this from happening if it's not supposed to. I'm responsible for my own integrity and to some extent, my own protection. But for me, this is not a matter of integrity, since it's not a romantic relationship. He's responsible for his personal AND professional integrity. Thus, my wonderings about the relationship. Why does he allow it if it's not okay? I need to know.

> Maybe I should ask? But then I'm afraid that he'll terminate the friendship.
> ***YES, yes, yes. Listen to yourself!!! You keep answering your own questions, you just don't like the answers and don't want to hear them.
Maybe I don't like the answers, or maybe I'm just wondering. I feel like I'm emotionally healthy enough to do the right thing, but that doesn't mean it's easy.





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