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Burned all right. Blossom

Posted by muffled on October 12, 2005, at 12:26:13

In reply to Need advice about friendship with former therapist, posted by Blossom on October 11, 2005, at 21:51:58

> Hi everyone,
>
> I have a question for you. I know I don't post here too often, but maybe a few of you have read some of my previous posts about my (now former) therapist. So basically, I terminated with him last April. By the time I terminated, our relationship had essentially become a friendship. It was definitely 2-sided.

***Isn't therapy usually 2 sided?

He even admitted that he had told me at least twice as much personal information about himself as any other client, and he said at one point "yeah, I guess we have become friends."

***'Yeah, I guess'......that doesn't sound very enthusiastic

He also made some remarks that led me to suspect that he had some erotic feelings for me, though he never made any direct admission of that.

***WHOAH!!! RED light. STOP now. Gaaack. Not good.So, so, bad, bad, bad. Career destroying. Marriage destroying. Life destroying.

On the other hand, he had said several times that he didn't become friends with clients for several reasons, and reiterated this during our next to last session (although I never brought up the subject).

***Ahhhh! So listen to him talking sense.


When I finally terminated, I grieved horribly for him. It was just terrible. It was like he had died.

***Alarm bells. Way too attached. Not good, not good.


Then one day, I decided I would just keep in touch anyway. Now, I email him fairly often, and I see him at the clinic about once a week. I've met his wife and daughter incidentally

***Met?


We share mutally about our lives,

***We?

and once we went to a nearby cafe, he offered to buy me something, and we shared a cookie.

***Shared?

He's more than twice my age, and I have no intentions of any romantic relationship with him.

***Yeah right. You and everyone else.
>
> I am just wondering if this is okay. I feel kinda weird showing my face in the clinic when I am not his client anymore. What will the other therapists think?

***Listen to your logical self, not emotional self.


And is this considered improper?

***Yes. Not recommended for VERY good reasons.

I kinda wonder why he allows this after he's reiterated that he doesn't do things this way.

***YOU initiated it, not him. He's human. He's having a weak moment. You are pushing some buttons for him that he likes.


Maybe I should ask? But then I'm afraid that he'll terminate the friendship.

***YES, yes, yes. Listen to yourself!!! You keep answering your own questions, you just don't like the answers and don't want to hear them.


He is a funny, interesting person, and I do enjoy the relationship.

***I'm sure he is delightful. But this is not good. You have other friends. If you care any about him you will let go. If you care about you, let go.
>
> What do you guys think?
>
***I know nothing but what is written here. But what is written screams to me that you should not be friends. Please read this in your rational mind. Don't let your emotions carry this. Way too charged with emotion.
Sorry if I'm harsh. Better now than later. You can yell at me, all caps, if you want.
Thanks, please listen,
Muffled.

 

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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:muffled thread:565861
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051008/msgs/566054.html