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Re: How therapists think or feel (trigger) daisym

Posted by alexandra_k on October 9, 2005, at 21:39:49

In reply to Re: How therapists think or feel (trigger) alexandra_k, posted by daisym on October 9, 2005, at 16:59:33

> I want, almost desperately, to debate the theory and find the flaws in it.

LOL! You have just described my favourite pass time ;-)

>Is this manipulative? Am I trying to communicate something? Am I really seeking his complete attention or control his responses? Most of the time I just think I feel really bad but I am willing to look for other motivations and see if they fit. Am I talking about suicide so I don't actually do anything? I just don't know.

I went through something similar a while back. About SI. Reading... Reading that people threaten to SI as an attention seeking, manipulative gesture.

And so I had a good hard think...

I didn't think that was why I did it... But maybe I was in denial. Because the literature was saying that was why people do that. And so I must be in denial. But I really didn't think that that was why I was doing that...

And round and round I would go...

And that kind of theory does not help.
It harms.
I do not see how it is possible to internalise that and think positively of yourself.
I do not see how it is possible to internalise that and be able to live with yourself.

I do not see how it is possible for a therapist to internalise that and feel well disposed towards their client.
I do not see how it is possible for a therapist to internalise that and refrain from judging and being mad at their client.

But the theorists don't seem to think of that...
They don't care.
Or... Something...
(I find it hard to be charitable here)
Maybe...
They really are oblivious.
Maybe...
They have to put the blame for failed therapy back onto the client because that is the only way they feel able to carry on.
I don't know.
I would like a better explanation
A more charitable one
One that has me feel sympathy for them...
But I can't think of one.

> it all feels judgemental. But how could it not be? If it wasn't negative, it wouldn't be pathological.

What is wrong...
Is that you are feeling distressed.
It doesn't help you feel any better to judge you for the distress that you feel.
To blame you for the distress that you feel.
To attribute all kinds of malevolent / perverted intentions to you for having the distress that you feel.

In fact...

Coming to accept that it is okay to feel distressed at times.
That the feeling itself won't kill you.
That you can get through the feeling.
That people care for you whether you are feeling happy or whether you are feeling distressed.
That people do not blame you for feeling distressed.
That people do not judge you for feeling distressed.

That other people would feel just as distressed as you do if they were to have those events happen to them, if they were to see the same situation in the same way, if they were to have your inherited sensitivities.

All that...

IMO

All that is what heals.

But first...

People need to learn to lift the judgement.
And there is still too much of it out there :-(
And it doesn't help
It hurts
And it is unnecessary
There are alternative explanations out there...

From what you have said about your therapist...
Sounds like he is a good one.
I think most theories have problems...
But it is probably helpful to remember that even within one theory (such as CBT or psychodynamic) there are still one hell of a lot of theorists working within that one theory - and not all of them agree.

Just because your t is of one theorietical orientation... doesn't mean he is guilty of buying into all that crap by association.

:-)

Sounds to me...
Like your real worry is how you see yourself...
And fear that he sees you the way you are afraid you might be.

But it can be so very hard to learn not to judge oneself...
When theorists model judgemental attitudes for us

What do they expect us to do?

Sigh.
I don't think I will ever understand...

 

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poster:alexandra_k thread:564696
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051008/msgs/565060.html