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Re: t2 is toast Dinah

Posted by alexandra_k on October 7, 2005, at 21:24:49

In reply to Re: t2 is toast - Orchid and JenStar, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2005, at 4:49:39

After how many sessions????
I mean... I guess I do understand that sometimes thats all it takes to figure out that things are not going to work out but... I can't help wondering a little...

> It's just that some topics are sensitive to me, my appearance and demeanor being two.

Yeah. I think everybody probably has sensitive topics. I know that I surely do. But I guess the only way they are going to learn which your sensitive topics are is to hit the nerve a little and see by how you respond. Otherwise... I guess they don't really have any idea. Things like that take a little time to figure out.

>And to have her comment on them, and in the same tone she used to comment on my coping skills, was distressing to me and made me feel ashamed.

Yuk. I hate that feeling...
Could you have told her you felt that way?
Like... 'those things are pretty sensitive topics for me and I feel a bit distressed and ashamed about them and so I need you to be a bit careful?'
Would that be a possibility?
Because then... She would know. And if she doesn't back off then then I guess that would be it for me. But I guess it is hard... Hard when she doesn't know...

> There were a couple of other things too. She asked *big* questions. Not as in the important sort that stick in your mind and make you think. I've forgotten the specifics already. But the really open ended sort that are said in a tone that clearly expects a "right" answer, but that are so broad that I have no idea what the right answer is.

Oh yes! I hate those questions... The ones that are open ended (because they are supposed to ask open ended questions) but where they seem to expect a particular sort of reply... But then... Some other people have said this too, and it turned out that when they said something like 'I don't know how to respond to that because I'm feeling like you have some particular answer in mind and I don't know what it is' then that can help... Because sometimes they don't expect a particular answer (and it can be good to know that) or othertimes they do (which they need to change) or othertimes the question simply doesn't have the effect (to get you talking) that they thought it would and so telling them how you respond to those kinds of questions can help them see that they need a new strategy...

> Like "How would you picture mental health?" I knew she was getting at some of my dysfunctional coping skills, and that's fine, but that question was just too big. It left me totally blank. And attempts on my part to narrow the question down a bit into parts I could digest just led to restatements of the original question.

Yeah. I hate those conversations too...
I think the only way around them...
Is to talk about how those types of questions make you feel...
If she is just trying to get you to talk to her...
Then you might have some better ideas as to how she can best engage you...
THose kinds of things take time
Time for you to get to know each other.

> And closing my eyes and my very soft tone of voice in therapy are my way of concentrating and talking about tough topics, but I guess they *do* look odd.

I do those too... Maybe she doesn't know that its your way of concentrating and being able to answer to the best of your ability.

> It's not like she pointed any of those things out unkindly, but she did point them out. And maybe I didn't feel like she knew me well enough to point them out. Or that she could have been more positively neutral or interested or curious, rather than sounding as if she were pointing out something I should change.

Could you tell her that?????
Because... That sounds fair enough to me...
And maybe... She doesn't realise that her doing that had the effect it did on you...

> My therapist says I'm too sensitive, and I probably am.

I don't think there is any such thing as being TOO sensitive.
Being sensitive is just noticing...
Its what we do with the things we become aware of that can be hard...

About the waiting room...

Is there any way around that?
I mean...
I can understand how that kind of waiting room could be very hard indeed for someone who is worried about other people throwing up.
Do you have a cellphone?
Maybe you could wait in the parking lot or something like that and she could call you
Or come and get you from there when she is ready to see you???




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