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Re: no babies....

Posted by B2chica on August 30, 2005, at 11:54:50

In reply to Re: no babies...., posted by daisym on August 29, 2005, at 15:28:37

adoption is not out of the question, my hubby and i have discussed this before. but we'd at least like to try...
daisy, thanks for the book recommendation. i'm taking folic acid and have for about 2 years...getting ready i guess. but your words did make me feel better. thank you.
i guess i just need to focus on finishing school and getting through therapy. and ya my pdoc is REALLY concerned about pp depression, he's not sure i'll be able to breastfeed cuz he said i may need to go back on immediately after birth...that's really disappointing...but i'm putting that off cuz maybe i won't, right.

sometimes i get so ambivelant about children. mostly i can't see myself not having them. sometimes i think i'll only be able to handle one...i always used to want a big family when i was younger, like 4 or 5 (ha!)
lately i think really negative thoughts (talked with T about this yesterday) but i think if i have just one...what if something happens to that one, they die when their 10, 16, or 20?? that's when i want more than one, but can i handle that?
sometimes i get wrapped up in school and want more and more and think i really could live without them....but then i think of my husband and i married into this relationship with both parties wanting children. now he talks about it frequently...i feel guilty then and almost ashamed that i think of not having kids....
when my pdoc said that at first i almost felt a little relief, like i have a doctor telling me not when/if i get pressure from others i have that... again..guilt for feeling that.

i just can't seem to win...d@mn guilt. it's like a loose loose situation with my inner emotions.




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