Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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Afraid of what he'll find out about me **trigger**

Posted by fairywings on August 29, 2005, at 10:01:57

I went into therapy because I wanted to make things better, to be happier, want my family to work better, wanted to fix the things about me I don't like. I hide myself from others because I'm afraid of what ppl will find out about me, and I'm tired of feeling like I have to hide. BUT I'm so afraid of what my T will find out about me, I'm afraid to tell him the things I think I have to tell him in order for him to help me. I'm afraid that he'll find out that I'm more messed up than even I know I am.

I want to be honest with my new T. I'm sure he's heard worse, but I don't want to admit the bad stuff, it's embarrassing and humiliating. I'm afraid he'll tell my p-doc, and I don't want him to know because I don't think you can know and understand in bits and pieces. My T gathered from our last session that I feel worthless and discarded - which is not entirely true or untrue. We talked about that. I don't want to talk about being raped because that went over so badly with the last T. I just don't want to go there again. And now I find that I don't want to tell him about the bad therapy I had as a teen, which led to the SI, which I only did once, but is still obvious, and still haunts me. It's just all so humiliating, it makes me feel so ...I don't know how to put it. I wish there were just a way to turn off bits and pieces of memory and things you did in the past, and reinstall new.





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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:fairywings thread:548080