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Re: If it were next session alexandra_k

Posted by Dinah on August 25, 2005, at 22:49:38

In reply to Re: If it were next session, posted by alexandra_k on August 25, 2005, at 19:36:46

It's a separate thing from idealization. I certainly never have had any illusions about my therapist. I know what he is and what he isn't. And I didn't even have any illusions about Harry or Bunty.

I don't think I can explain it any better than I have. Either it's something you've never experienced so you can't see the attraction, or it's not something you value. Like I will never understand how people like to stimulate adrenaline.

But I do know this...

I've worked hard for that attachment. My therapist thought it couldn't be done. He didn't think I was capable of attachment, at least not to a person. He thinks it's a really good thing that I'm attached to him. And I probably shouldn't say this, but... No. I shouldn't say it.

But he doesn't think it's a bad thing, and neither do I.

He probably wishes I could feel it with more people, but so do I.

It doesn't have anything to do with deserving anything. It doesn't really have anything to do with the other person at all. I mean, it's at its best when it's mutual of course. But it's valuable even when it isn't mutual. Because connection to others is what makes life worth living.

Yeah, it leads to pain.

But no, life doesn't go on and you don't form new attachments. Technically, you might attach to someone down the road. Or you very well might not. But even if you do, it's not the same as you make it sound. It's not like it's part of the cycle of life or anything. It's just not. It's more like there's this space inside you that is keyed for only one soul. That space never gets filled and it never stops hurting and you never even want it to stop hurting. Why would you want it to stop hurting? When that's part of what keeps them close?

Maybe attachments come easily to you, but to me they just don't. And I treasure the ones I have or have had, like... I don't even have anything to compare it to.

 

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poster:Dinah thread:543244
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050824/msgs/546754.html