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Re: Need and attachment Ľ Dinah

Posted by Tamar on August 25, 2005, at 19:22:18

In reply to Re: Need and attachment Ľ Tamar, posted by Dinah on August 22, 2005, at 19:05:15

> I don't think so. I don't want to insult my therapist. I'm sure he has many fine and useful qualities. And I love him dearly for the safety and security and commitment he has brought to my life. But I'm not sure I really enjoy spending time with him as a person. It isn't a meeting of the two like minds or anything. He's made a wonderful therapist/mommy to me for reasons I don't quite understand but probably have something to do with his very essence. His steadiness and calming demeanor. But I'm not sure he'd make a good therapist/friend. There's more mutuality involved in that. And if mutuality is needed, we'd be a bust. It's really astonishing how well the therapeutic relationship met my needs considering how really little we have in common.

Iíve been thinking about this for a few days. But I keep coming back to the same thing, and itís possibly not very helpful to you. But maybeÖ who knows?

I know that your therapist isnít someone youíd want to socialise with. And I didnít really mean that when I talked about the possibility of his becoming a therapist/friend. I was thinking about what youíve said before about your attachment to friends, and your loss of two close friendships. So I think I was talking about a therapist/friend transference, rather than a real therapist-friend relationship. Iím not sure if mutuality is necessary for that, but I do think it could be one way to adore him (or something approximating to adoration; I donít know if you adore your friends. I do, but thatís just me.)

I do know that itís difficult because not all friends want to be adored, and Iíve had a few friendships where Iíve wanted more from them than theyíve wanted from me. And friendship also seems to be an important developmental stage, at least for girls. Having a best friend is often extremely important to girls (Iíve been interested to watch my five year-old daughter go through the beginnings of this, and it reminds me of the trials of that period in my life!). I think the closeness that girls feel for their best friend is very intense. All those secrets they can tell, and acting out in play the troubles of family lifeÖ I donít think best friends *necessarily* have much in common; the important thing is that they commit themselves to being best friends to each other.

So I guess that was why the idea of a therapist/friend occurred to me as a possibility for re-establishing the intensity. I suppose he canít actually *be* your friend and more than he can actually *be* your mommy, but the therapist part of the equation remains constant. Mind you, I realise that people donít really choose what kind of transference they experience.

Ah well, maybe this doesnít work for you. Or maybe what would help you more is a dietary solutionÖ By the way, I agree with you about the glucophage. If youíre on a low carb diet and also eating very little, you might need to be careful with the glucophage. A couple of days of testing before and after meals should help with that. Itís never fun sticking sharp things in your fingers, but itís more fun than continuous resentment and annoyance (IMHO). I know I turn into a b*tch from h*ll if my sugars are low.




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